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Pimpstress' Post - The Danger of Speaking Too Soon
Date Added: February 19, 2008
Story By: Lana Cooper
A month or so ago, I had remarked in my column how great the past few months of WWE programming had been up until that point. Many performers who had languished in the mid-card were moved into high profile spots and were stepping up to the golden opportunities being offered to them. Each installment of RAW featured a more well-rounded cast with equally distributed television time for all and some genuinely enjoyable storylines.
I think I spoke too soon.
In the past few weeks, the RAW "product" (if we're tossing around the fancy-schmancy marketing lingo, here), has magically morphed from pure gold to a big, steaming pile of something that isn't quite gold.
What we're being treated to right now, is an excruciatingly slow route to what looks to be an awful Wrestlemania XXIV. Looking at what seems to be in the works for the biggest PPV of the year's card, for the first time in nearly ten years, I just may pass on renting the spectacle.
First of all, there's the five dollar price hike on the Wrestlemania PPV. For the past several years, Wrestlemania has been priced slightly higher than the other 12 PPVs at $49.95, understandable since this is "the granddaddy of them all." This year, the cost is $54.95.
Even if it is the WWE event that is "the grandest stage of them all," there have been times where I've been disappointed by Wrestlemania and felt it hadn't merited its lofty price tag. Conversely, there have been some under-promoted WWE PPVs that have been terrific, probably even better than Wrestlemania. For instance, take Armageddon a few months back, which was an excellent PPV. A higher cost doesn't necessarily mean a better show.
The way things are looking at this juncture, as much as I hate breaking tradition and possibly not renting Wrestlemania, I feel that there are better things I could spend $55 on than seeing John Cena in the main event, yet again. This year will be the fourth year in a row that Cena has been in the headliner spot.
Yes, I'm tired of John Cena. In case you haven't noticed the roaring crush of "boo"s that echo through the arena whenever he lobs a punch, a lot of other wrestling fans are tired of John Cena, too.
I hate to say it, but those few months that Cena was absent from RAW were like a breath of fresh air. It was great seeing other wrestlers get a shot at television time without Cena filibustering for no less than half an hour of the program. Now, with Cena back in the mix, nearly two and a half months of entertaining storylines and solid RAW episodes have gone the way of the Gobbledygooker.
What makes it all the more frustrating as a viewer is that even though Cena was injured, lost his title, and was absent for three months, there was no "reset" button on the guy. Yet again, The Powers That Be have dubbed him "The Unstoppable Cena," who never tastes even a teaspoonful of defeat. In spite of being out for an extended period of time with injury which required surgery, it was back to business with the standard Cena M.O. applying yet again: Cena gets pummeled for much of the match, yet still manages to decimate his opponents in final seconds with the oh-so-deadly STFU or he nails them with the FU.
The only real "FU" here is the one that's being given to the fans.
Cena came back three and a half months after his injury, a pectoral tear which required major surgery and a recovery time of anywhere from nine to twelve months. Instead of having the former champion fight his way back up through the ranks, inching closer to get to Orton's championship, upon his return he is magically inserted back into the title picture, knocking back all of the talent who had been busting their asses in those three months he was gone, attempting to climb the WWE title ladder. He's awarded the surprise (I will admit, it was a damn good surprise) "sweet spot" of the Royal Rumble in the Eleventh Hour, drawing the final #30 entrant card which allowed him to pull out a "miraculous" win. Consequently, this win immediately launched him back into the Wrestlemania main event.
Adding to the "Unstoppable Cena" mojo, even with a torn pec he beat Mark Henry, "The World's Strongest Man" (Wonder what Marius Pudzianowski has to say about that?) in not just an arm wrestling contest, but Cena managed to pick Henry up and plant him to the canvas.
Why not add a bit of realism and continuity showing that even three months away from the game can paint an entirely different portrait of the title picture? Instead, you have John Cena picking up right where he left off, insertedt into the title landscape once more. By kvetching his way into the title picture yet again and squawking to the Commissioner that he should get his rematch post-hasty, the Cena character pulls the metaphorical equivalent of complaining to the Kindergarten teacher that he wanted the last piece of pink construction paper that Randy Orton picked. While Orton got that last piece of pink construction paper fair and square, Cena's complaints push the teacher to making Orton "share" the prized pink piece of arts-and-crafts paper. The icing on the cake of this tableau is envisioning Cena smirking satisfactorily at Orton while the rest of the class groans that the little bastard got his way yet again.
Great. And yet, in spite of it all, the Powers That Be want the fans to buy this guy as a face.
That's why this Wrestlemania, it looks like we're going to get a Triple Threat of Cena vs. Triple H vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship Title. Whoopedy-doo.
First of all, Triple Threat matches are played out. It's the easy answer to dropping three guys in the main event -- or covering the weaknesses of some individuals by adding a third party to keep the momentum flowing throughout the match. A Triple Threat match hasn't truly been done right since the days of the original ECW when it was a fresh concept and not a convenient booking cure-all.
Add to the mixture that it's the same three guys in the title race for the better part of the year involved in the match and it gets staler by the second. Orton, while a little dry at times, has been a strong heel champion. He's the guy you love to hate and when you get past his patented "Five Minute Chinlock," he's a good wrestler who has improved over time.
Mind you, I'm not HHHatin' on The H, either. I give the guy a lot of credit for putting over some of the younger guys. He's quite entertaining if given the right storyline, but as a champion, I'm tired of seeing the belt rotate between him, Cena, and Orton -- even though Orton hasn't held the belt for very long. An Orton vs. Triple H main event could have been a bit more interesting in terms of the former Evolution ties they have being expanded upon in a main event/Wrestlemania context
However, it's these three men who are in perpetual contention for the title and a steady diet of the same contenders can get pretty boring. Hell, I'd rather see Vicky Guerrero involved in the match, just on the merit of the sick bump she took from Rey Mysterio on Smackdown. My hat's off to that woman!
With that said, the only way that this Wrestlemania (pause) Main Event (pause) Triple Threat Match (pause) could become potentially interesting is if they tried to make it unique. A Triple Threat Dog Collar Match hasn't been done before. It would be a great way to prevent any one of the participants from sneaking out of the ring for too long to pull a whammy (or sledgehammer) out. This could keep things interesting and add a twist to an otherwise tired scenario.
Ideally, of the three, I could live with Triple H being given yet another run with the belt, if only for the fact that he may possess the good sense -- and enough backstage clout -- to demand that the ridiculous "spinner belt" be banished to the same, dark, faraway land where Mantaur still roams and the Kiss Demon frolicks with the wood-chipped remains of Chavo's old "horse," Pepe and Perry Saturn's pal, Moppy. Please, won't somebody reinstate the old gold!?!
By virtue of the fact that there is still a "spinner belt," it probably means that Randy Orton is just keeping it warm for Cena to once again "beat the odds" and triumph at Wrestlemania. For that reason, I think I just might sit this one out.
I know there are several other matches still brewing in time for big event. (Some of which, I also have reservations about -- that I'll be sure to cover in another column. Stay tuned!) For now, my $54.99 is staying stashed in my purse for the time being unless something truly spectacular is on the horizon for Wrestlemania XXIV.
