WWE RAW Results (05/12/08) Jim Ross welcomes us to the Joe Louis Arena as we go into the show with the lights out in the arena. The lights come back on and William Regal is in the ring...
I'm still not sold. For the first time in years, I can't bring myself to get excited about Wrestlemania. None of the matches that have been laid out thus far are really doin' it for me. To use one of Vince McMahon's favorite expressions, quite frankly, I'm much more excited about the Class of 2008 Hall of Fame slated to be inducted than the PPV itself. It's ironic that I'm more thrilled by a crop of wrestlers who have retired (or in the case of Ric Flair, will be retiring soon) than the Wrestlemania matches with the active roster.
What looks to be this year's ubiquitious "celebrity draw" is shaping up to be a major bust. The recently returned Big Show has trimmed down and toned up only to be on course to become "The World's Largest Jobber" thanks to this potentially disastrous pairing with welterweight champion, Floyd "Money" Mayweather, Jr. Not taking anything away from Mayweather's considerable talent in the boxing ring, but he hasn't brought much to the table in this proposed Wrestlemania MMA challenge. Well, not much besides making it painfully obvious that he's reading from cue cards and that his pre-taped segments shown on the Titan Tron fail to give even the faintest illusion of realism when run concurrently with Big Show in the ring. Things only get worse with the build to the match at 'Mania being driven by Big Show facing guys a fraction of his size -- looking like King Kong Bundy chasing after the Haiti Kid and Sky Low Low. This match is in jeopardy of becoming a colossal joke destined for WrestleCrap lore.
While Mayweather is obviously a talented boxer in his class, he isn't coming across very well in this march towards Wrestlemania. His promos are atrocious and he comes across as cocky and very unlikable. While Big Show has been drafted into the role of heel in this confrontation, Mayweather's downright painful self-promotion ("It used to be called WWE, but now we call it the MME: The Money Mayweather Entertainment") hasn't exactly endeared him to wrestling fans.
Although professional boxing is at its highest peak of popularity in years, this sports celebrity cameo does not have the universal appeal or drawing power of last year's celebrity spot with Donald Trump. The build towards the battle for Trump's or McMahon's hair hit a notable rough patch with perhaps one of the most awful episodes in RAW history featuring indie women's champion wrestler Kiley McLean impersonating Rosie O'Donnell (in a surprisingly good impersonation, for as horrendous as the show-long segment was) as a lead up. In the end, as overblown as the coverage devoted to the Trump match was, it still had a level of commercial viability that Big Show vs. Mayweather just doesn't have.
Everyone knows who Donald Trump is. While Mayweather is certainly noteworthy, boxing still caters to more of a niche market, not enough to make a significant draw to Wrestlemania to justify what they're paying Mayweather (if that figure can be believed). Mayweather has not achieved Ali-like status and isn't close to that widespread level of recognition.
Moreover, the outcome of the match will likely be predetermined, even more likely at the expense of the recently returned Big Show. Where's the fun in that for wrestling fans -- or the believability? Yes, we all known that a suspension of disbelief is required at times in the realm of sports entertainment, but the Powers That Be might have opted for a heavyweight boxing champion instead of the tired, welterweight reissue of David and Goliath.
Continuing with the theme of cringe-worthy matches on the "Road to Wrestlemania" is the weekly pummeling of Hornswoggle by the also recently-returned JBL. JBL's snarky comments made him a great color commentator on Smackdown and his recent performances have made me really miss him behind the microphone instead of in the ring -- or at the hospital, for that matter as JBL man-handled little Hornswoggle. JBL admitted to a love for Marathon Man-like torture of the helpless as he engaged in an uncomfortable display of violence against Hornswoggle. While it's obvious Hornswoggle is a grown man (thankfully, he has a beard as a visual reminder), at first glance, it looks like there is some serious child abuse going on. While the storyline is plainly as made up as the violence in any movie on Lifetime, it's still unnerving to watch.
There's not much pay-off for this one, even if it was played for comedy in the eleventh hour with a cortege of Undertaker's druids circling the ring for the inevitable Finlay vs. JBL at Wrestlemania. At the last minute, the "druids" would throw back their hoods, revealing themselves as members of Children's Protective Services, ready to serve papers to JBL or Mr. McMahon.
All kidding aside, I'm not sure where this one is going. In terms of continuity, Finlay has been revealed to be the father of Hornswoggle with Mr. McMahon having been duped by the rest of Clan McMahon and Finlay into believing this was his long-lost son. Unless this is geared towards fitting Mr. Ken Kennedy back into what was originally intended to be his storyline, it remains to be seen. So far, besides some squirm-inducing moments, there's not much that can be wrung from this storyline.
Then, you have the lack of storyline or emotional investment in many of the matches that seem to have been thrown together. While I enjoy both Edge and the Undertaker, there's not much that has been put into this match for fans to really care about it beyond using Edge's title vs. 'Taker's fabled Wrestlemania Streak. It looks like Smackdown may be making an attempt at fleshing this match out, so my judgments are still reserved.
The premise behind the Edge vs. Undertaker match still beats the impetus for the Batista vs. Umaga match by a mile. With the honor of their respective programs on the line, Batista representing Smackdown and Umaga representing RAW, the combatants will duke it out at Wrestlemania for the distinction of being able to say the winner's brand is the best.
Wow. This is almost as rich a premise as "My Dad is Better Than Your Dad." (Now on NBC!) Umaga and Batista, while fun to watch in well-crafted, well-thought out matches, are not the two guys you want to have carry an entire match solely on the basis of their broad backs. This is not going to be good. You would stand to get a better "odd couple" match out of Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon and hell, both of those guys are dead! Speaking of dead, that brings us to the Women's Division and the "BunnyMania Lumberjack" match between Playmates Candice Michelle and Maria vs. Team Glamazon: Beth Phoenix and Melina. Beyond using it as a vehicle to pimp Maria's recent Playboy appearance, there's not much that this match has to offer the Wrestlemania lineup besides standing as the token "slap n' tickle" match of the night and inject a sliver of sexuality into what would otherwise be a sausage fest. While there are some strong and highly competent women's wrestlers in WWE's division, I wish they'd take a cue from TNA in that department and realize that the division can be restored to the legitimacy it had in the Trish/Lita era it recently held and still manage to hold eye-candy appeal.
Of course, the main event is the Triple Threat match between Triple H, John Cena, and current WWE Champion, Randy Orton. As I stated in a previous column, the Triple Threat has been overly abused as the go-to booking cure all and it hasn't been done right since the days of the original ECW. Seeing three of the same faces in the main event that have dominated the title picture for the past two-to-four years doesn't help, either.
Absent from the Wrestlemania line up are matches for some of the currently undervalued title belts. As it stands now, there are currently no plans for any of the RAW or Smackdown/ECW Tag Team Champions, the Intercontinental Champion, the Women's Champion, or the ECW Champion to defend their belts at Wrestlemania. While it's not necessary for every belt to be defended on the big stage, Wrestlemania has become fairly formulaic as of late, particularly in their exclusion of the aforementioned titles..
Think about it. There's always the gratuitous match involving a celebrity. The Undertaker always defends his streak and wins. The WWE Title and World Title are always defended. And now, even the Money in the Bank match has become a cliché. Granted, the Money in the Bank battle is almost always a highlight of the Wrestlemania program and the concept is one of the coolest and most innovative to come down the pike in a long time. However, it feels like they just insert it into the 'Mania card because it has come to be expected.
The Money In the Bank match allows for willy-nilly placement of fan-favorites or upper mid-carders to have a spot at Wrestlemania without really having to craft a unique build-up for several individual matches instead of just one. With the exception of the mini-feud being built between two fan-favorites, Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho, there isn't too much in the way of tension between the men involved in this match. Nonetheless, this can be a good thing. Without a feud and any sort of "pay-off" expected, the focus can be on the actual wrestling -- the "sports" part of "sports entertainment, if you will (to channel Dusty Rhodes). With Hardy, Jericho, the always excellent Shelton Benjamin, and the two candidates for most recently improved wrestler Carlito and Mr. Kennedy, this will undoubtedly be one of the high points of the event. However, I'm not sure the strength of this match would get me to drop five Hamiltons and a Lincoln.
The only other match that I have some sort of yearning to see is what could possibly be Ric Flair's swan song against Shawn Michaels in what's being billed as a "career threatening match." The slow build to this one, especially in terms of emotional content for the fans as well as the two men involved, has been very strong. Flair is undoubtedly a legend and still puts on a hell of a show, as does Michaels. One can only imagine how great this match could have been ten years ago. However, the 2008 face off should still be pretty damn good. My one issue is that I would like to see Flair retire as a winner. The time is coming where Flair jeopardizes his considerable legacy by sticking around as an active wrestler and does need to retire from ring duty. That doesn't mean he can't make an equally legendary transition to a managerial or color commentator role. He's still got a lot to offer. It would be nice to see Flair retire at this one of his own accord as a winner, not forced into retirement.
Thinking about the offerings on tap for this year's Wrestlemania, it really makes me miss the days where Wrestlemania meant something. It was the original PPV, and still one of "The Big Four," before monthly, virtually pointless PPVs were instituted. Maybe I'm being overly sentimental, but some of the best memories I have of watching classic 'Mania matches didn't involve celebrity cameos (unless we're talking about Liberace high-kicking with the Rockettes in the middle of the ring or Alice Cooper in Jake the Snake's corner). Even if there were celebrity cameos, the Hollywood notables had their place to the sidelines of the real wrestlers who brought the fans to the table in the first place. The star quality of celebrities in attendance offset the fact that Wrestlemania had crossed borders where no sports entertainment spectacle had crossed before, but it wasn't necessary for them to take the main stage alongside these wrestlers.
Arguably, Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper could be thrown out there as one of the first and most notable instances of a pop culture personality taking a major role on the PPV. At the time, however, Mr. T had an unprecedented level of popularity across the boards with a hit TV show, "The A-Team" and even his own cartoon show. Besides Mr. T, there haven't been many celebrity cameos (with the exception of last year's overly hyped match built around Trump) that have received as much attention as the Big Show/Mayweather match is getting.
More time, thought, air time, and expense (with the exception of perhaps the Triple Threat main event and Flair's match) has been put into setting up this contest than any other bout scheduled on the PPV. Judging by the reaction of the crowd farting all over Big Show facing an MMA jobber on RAW, this doesn't bode well for a Wrestlemania pay off for WWE as a company if they're looking to this match to bring in the casual wrestling fan's dollar. And it certainly doesn't offer much payoff to fans who have stood by "the product" for a long time.
