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Pimpstress' Post - WWE, I Lost My Smile

Date Added: August 16, 2008
Story By: Lana Cooper

Where's the fire? It certainly isn't in WWE's programming as of late. Things have been so lackluster in terms of programming following Wrestlemania that I haven't been moved to write a column in some time. There just hasn't been much to get excited about. You might say I pulled a Shawn Michaels and "lost my smile" as it pertains to professional wrestling.

The past few months of WWE programming has been an exercise in depression. It's disheartening for fans to watch any of the brands anymore since there is very little return on the investment for them. Fans tune in out of habit, not because of anything terribly intriguing. The backstage politics and favoritism of the organization are too overwhelmingly evident for programs to be remotely entertaining. The finger of blame can only be pointed so much at internet reporters and fans, but the truth of the matter is that even without sources relating behind-the-scenes info, it would still be painfully obvious as to which guys are in tight with the office and who is not.

I'm not even referring to Triple H, who seems to be the default scapegoat whenever anyone wants an example of playing politics. To be fair, Triple H has stepped aside for many younger talents for quite some time for the good of a storyline.

In its current state, WWE demands that fans cheer like mindless robots and complacently accept the heaping helping of mediocrity thrown at them. It doesn't matter if the crowd cheers or the fans like a certain wrestler. The days of fan reaction creating a star like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin are a thing of the past. Over and done are the days where a storyline's course could be determined by an event like Hogan vs. The Rock at Wrestlemania 18. No, wrestling fans. You will like who WWE tells you to like and cheer for whomever they push down your throat on a weekly basis. No amount of booing will demote the amount of airtime a wrestler receives -- even if they're going over with all the finesse of a lead balloon. In fact, it might keep them around even longer.

This attitude of forced fandom on the part of the bookers makes it harder to "bond" with the product, so to speak. And if there's one season of the year that makes already-disgruntled members of the "RAW fan nation" even more disgruntled, it's that time of year again where wrestlers are dropped en masse from the roster. Why bother getting involved in storylines, continuity, and having a favorite wrestler to root for if the booking is already carved in stone, or so precarious that it could change on a whim?

The final straw for me in breaking my emotional attachment to WWE programming came this week when WWE shitcanned one of my favorite wrestlers, Stevie Richards. One of the latest victims of the rash of firings that have included Big Daddy V (and his man boobies), Domino, Cherry, The Highlanders, and two referees, Stevie Richards' departure from WWE was the death-rattle for my fandom.

We've all been there before when a favorite wrestler gets cut. Several years ago, I said I would stop watching WWE when they dropped Shawn O'Haire, only after sabotaging what could have been one of the best gimmicks in professional wrestling at that time. Shortly after, I said I'd boycott WWE again when they nixed Rico. Better known as Rico Costantino to OVW fans, I was baffled that the more entertaining and flamboyant Rico got the axe while his tag team partner, Charlie Haas -- the wrestling equivalent of watching paint dry, -- stuck around. Even then, I eventually came back to WWE programming after a few months, coming to the realization that Rico was a bit older than most wrestlers in the fledgling stage of their career, and while entertaining, I could understand the decision. I wasn't happy about it, but I could understand.

With the surprise release of Stevie Richards, it just twists the knife a bit more. I had been a fan of Richards since the ECW days when he was Raven's goofy stooge. He was the ultimate underdog both in and out of the ring. No sooner than he would be primed for a major push, he would suffer a major injury that sidelined him long enough to decelerate. Nevertheless, here was a guy who came back several times after countless surgeries, just for the love of wrestling and performing. It wasn't like he was in Kurt Angle's league. Whereas Angle's return from surgeries were met with title shots in return, Stevie was just a jobber who loved wrestling so much that jobbing was better than not being a part of the show. And the crowds loved the guy!! On top of that, he was one of the few holdovers from the original ECW days. Add to that the fact that Stevie looked better after his ECW years than he did when he was a part of the original promotion. And for a wrestler at the age of 36, he kept in great condition.

No one likes it when their favorite wrestler is ejected from the roster, but as a lifelong wrestling fan, this one feels personal. Applying it to wrestling on a larger scale, it underscores the futility of fandom. Why cheer for a talented mid-carder elevated to a higher spot if he's only going to be bussed back down again because a guy with bigger, more swollen arms (All the better to carry the title with, my dear!) comes back from hiatus? There is no payoff involved to proudly proclaim yourself a wrestling fan. Taunts of "You know it's fake, don't you?" and co-workers shaking their heads and questioning your taste, is a thankless job. Okay, not as thankless as the j-o-b executed by solid ring performers who get the shaft in favor of those who have ridden the backstage politics bandwagon, but still pretty ungratifying.

But my disgruntled status as a WWE fan doesn't stop there. This was merely the straw that broke the camel clutch. It's been going on for some time. In the post-Wrestlemania landscape, these past few months have felt very sterile and unrewarding. In the months following the company's flagship PPV, very few entertaining storylines have emerged, with the exception of Smackdown's Edge and Vickie Guerrero saga. I'd suggest Miz and Morrison's "The Dirt Sheet" as a high point as well, but that's relegated to the exclusive content bin of WWE's website and not television.

This year, every plus has come with a minus. I'll pull no punches with my dissertation of the current state of WWE. I mean, what have I got to lose? There's virtually no chance WWE is going to hire me as a writer since I haven't starred in a live-action version of Scooby Doo or She's All That. Even during WCW's waning days, they at least had the decency to add a Hollywood actor the payroll as a wrestler/actor and not as a writer or member of the creative team.

First you have the Announcing Team version of musical chairs. I don't even know who commentates on what show any more. It seems to change from week to week. All I know is that for some unexplained reason, Mike Adamle has been given increasingly more airtime. I'll admit, he's gotten better in the role of GM, but if that isn't a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is.

Over on RAW, CM Punk wins the WWE title and still manages to take a backseat to The Cena and Batista Show! As an added bonus, Punk gets to feud with JBL, who was far more entertaining as a commentator than he ever was as a wrestler. Punk better watch out since JBL seems to be the kiss of death to whomever he feuds with. God knows it just did wonders for Chris Jericho's comeback.

Speaking of Jericho, Y2J has been sucked dry of any of the humor that made him so entertaining and has been refashioned into as boring and indistinguishable of a character as possible. Where's the guy who was going to save us from Randy Orton and his "childbearing hips"? I don't know. Better ask WWE's creative team. What a waste of charisma.

But golly gee! Who needs Jericho or CM Punk to save us when you've got The John Cena and Dave Batista Show, with special guests Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. as Fred and Ethel Mertz! With Batista traded to RAW during this year's draft, that means that two of the most overrated, overstuffed wrestlers currently on the roster now get to share the spotlight on the flagship show. As these two now title-less titans are housed on RAW, fans have been treated to the usual, uninventive drek that follows a pre-determined order for a feud. Boy meets boy. Boy exchanges antagonistic promo with boy. Boys tag team together and win titles despite hating each other. Boy fights boy ad nauseum until Wrestlemania when a title is likely involved.

And the once-proud Tag Team division? It's a joke. With The Highlanders having been sent packing their bagpipes, that reduces the entire RAW tag team division to Cryme Tyme and Abercrombie & Fitch – AKA - Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. Can you feel the excitement?

Over on Smackdown, Asian cowboy Jimmy Wang Yang gets to beat a dead horse, back in the saddle again after a suspension while his partner Shannon Moore is exiled. Deuce and Domino were effectively dissolved by ditching the half of the team who wasn't a "second generation superstar." WWE is becoming the place to watch sons attempt to follow in their fathers' much larger footsteps and come up with an epic fail, with the notable exception of Randy Orton.

But I digress! Joining her "brother" Domino in the unemployment line is Cherry, who was coming along promisingly as a legit women's wrestler. Hell, she was better than Michelle McCool. Speaking of which, who the hell has McCool been banging to have The Powers That Be create her very own Bratz accessory of a "Diva's Title" for her? Oh, wait. Nevermind. As much as she is being pushed as Trish Stratus, Version 2.0, Michelle McCool is nowhere near Trish's league, be it in looks and especially talent. For every step forward in the Women's Division, there are three steps back.

It's all pretty bleak. When you add to the picture that if Ric Flair and Mick Foley decide to leave for greener pastures at roughly the same time, something has to be really rotten in the state of Denmark. And with this latest development with one of my all-time favorite wrestlers being let go, it's time to call it a day for awhile until things get visibly more entertaining. I'll still watch because there's nothing really better on TV and I've watched for so long that it's too late to jump into any new programming on those designated "wrestling nights." Hell, I'll still even subscribe to WWE 24-7. The sad fact is, I watch that more than the new programming, which just goes to show, WWE's best days are behind them. I won't involve myself with buying tickets to live events, PPVs, or any merchandise, any more. Why bother? There's no point in getting excited about something that's already pre-determined.

How can you cheer for a product? You can't cheer for deodorant or shampoo. People are not products, not something disposable that can be marketed and exploited for profit. That goes for fans, as well as wrestlers. Thanks, WWE for making me lose my smile.

Advertisement: Check out more of the author's work @ LanaCooper.com

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