WWE RAW Results (05/12/08) Jim Ross welcomes us to the Joe Louis Arena as we go into the show with the lights out in the arena. The lights come back on and William Regal is in the ring...
-They open things up with a look back at Monday’s press conference. Hopefully Floyd doesn’t make it rain on March 30th.
-The opening credits roll.
-Big Show makes his way to the ring for a handicapped match.
-His opponents are already in the ring. Cole says Big Show’s career, as a boxer had to end because no one wanted to face him. They hype his “boxing exhibition” against a real pro boxer this Monday on Raw.
BIG SHOW VS. JAY GARLAND & JOEY RYAN
-Big Show chops one of the guys and runs the other into the turnbuckle. Now a big chokeslam on Garland and he boxes Ryan hitting some jabs to his torso. Now a big right hook by Big Show and Ryan is knocked out. Instead of letting a 10 count go he pins him for 3.
***Big Show squashes Garland and Ryan in 3:00.
-After the match they hype Show’s big right hand and say what happened to Ryan could happen to Mayweather.
-Show grabs a microphone and says he’s going to stop the rumor that Mayweather will be facing De La Hoya again. He’s going to break Floyd in half. To do so he’ll break his legs and his spirit. After that happens he won’t be able to fight Oscar, so maybe it’ll be Big Show vs. De La Hoya. Show then says the $20 million WWE is paying Floyd for ‘Mania won’t be worth it when he’s done with him.
-Cole says Big Show might be right. If he gets clocked with one of those big right hands he’ll be seeing stars and not dollar signs. Coach concurs.
-A Make-A-Wish video package airs. John Cena is the focus of it.
-They hype Batista & Kane vs. MVP & Khali for later tonight.
-Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore make their way to the ring.
-A time machine disguised as a car makes it’s way to the ramp and we travel back to the ‘50’s with D&D.
YANG & MOORE VS. DEUCE & DOMINO
-Yang and Domino are going to start things off. Domino with a side headlock takedown and they get back to their feet. Yang fights out of it, but Domino throws him back down. Yang gets in the headlock now and is pushed off the ropes by Domino. He goes for a clothesline and Yang ducks then gets an arm drag into an arm bar.
-Moore comes in on the tag and hits a headscissors. He attempts another, but Domino launches him to the outside and Deuce throws him back in. Domino goes for a cover and barely gets a 2 count. Deuce gets in now and goes right to a rest hold. Now a series of fists by Deuce and some boots. Now he mounts Moore and throws more fists and ultimately going back to the rest hold with some fingers for Shannon’s nose.
-The crowd starts to rally for Moore and as he gets to his feet he’s thrown back to the mat. Domino gets the tag. He gets hung up on the ropes and is able to tag back in Deuce, but Moore also makes a tag. Yang cleans house and goes for a moonsault press. Deuce moves out of the way and Yang lands on his feet, but got hit with a move from Deuce. Yang flips out of a suplex attempt and scales the ropes quickly to hit the moonsault press for 3.
***Yang & Moore win in 6:00. (1/2*).
-Edge and Vickie are talking about a honeymoon backstage. Edge wants to go somewhere outside of the United States. He’s thinking God’s country, which is Canada. Maybe Toronto or possibly Moosejaw.
-Hawkins and Rider walk up. Edge isn’t happy Taker was able to get to him last week and wants them to do something about it. He tells Rider he’s going to take care of Taker, and he has his back.
-Now a motorcycle appears on the ramp and it’s Chuck Palumbo.
-Noble and his friend Michelle McCool follow.
CHUCK PALUMBO VS. JAMIE NOBLE
-The bell rings and Palumbo throws Noble right into the corner. Noble uses his speed to side step him and hit some punches. Chuck uses his power to throw him right back around into the turnbuckle. Noble then gets tossed outside to the floor. Chuck follows him out and hits what can only be described as a short leg clothesline. He goes for more damage, but Michelle distracts him. Noble comes up from behind and low blows him. They get back in the ring and Noble hits an arm breaker.
-Noble goes up top, but Chuck catches him and hits a big over the head belly-to-belly superplex. He goes for a cover and gets a 2 count. Chuck goes for the fall away slam and Noble counters it into an arm bar. Jamie wrenches it, but Chuck makes it to the ropes and gets the break. He comes back with a big right hand and Noble gets dropped. Coach says if Big Show hits Mayweather like that, it’ll be over.
-Noble gets back the advantage with an enziguiri, a summersault press and missile dropkick for 2. He counters another move by Chuck into a standing arm bar, but Chuck rakes Noble’s eye and hits a big boot. Now the Full Throttle on Noble and it’s over.
***Chuck picks up the win in 8:00. (*1/4).
-Backstage Maryse is with Teddy and Vickie. Maryse tells Vickie she thinks she’s doing a wonderful job. She calls Vickie beautiful. Batista comes into the scene and asks Vickie about the challenge to Regal and facing Umaga. Maryse thinks the Animal would be a great representative for Smackdown. Vickie says you’re on! Apparently Maryse is very persuasive with that accent.
-‘Mania is only 30 days away. That’s nervously close if you ask me.
-John Legend will be performing America the Beautiful at ‘Mania.
-Batista shoots his dual Uzi’s and heads to the ring. Coach and Cole talk about how exciting Batista vs. Umaga will be.
-Kane enters as flames move upwards.
-Khali sans Singh makes his way to the ring. Cole says Singh underwent successful surgery to fix his kneecap recently.
-MVP is his partner.
BATISTA & KANE VS. KHALI & MVP
-Kane and Khali start it off and Kane quickly ends up in the corner. Khali throws some wild right hands and boots at him. MVP gets in the tag and soon after is back body dropped by Kane. Snap mare and basement dropkick by Kane. Batista gets tagged in and drives his shoulder into MVP’s gut in the corner. He then hits a running clothesline that gets a 2 count. In the far left corner some punches from Batista and a tag to Kane.
-Kane hits a big boot and goes for a cover, but MVP gets in the ropes. A tag back to Batista who gets met with a series of right hands from MVP. Now a kick to the face, but he gets caught with a spinebuster. He goes for the Bomb, but Khali grabs MVP and drags him out of the ring. They head to commercial 4:00 in.
-Back from the break Batista and Khali are in the ring face to face. They lock up and Khali throws him off. Tista comes back with fists and Khali grabs his throat and hits a big right hand. Batista spills to the outside and as he goes to get back in he pulls Khali’s throat across the ropes. Khali comes back with a big boot and gets a 2 count.
-MVP gets tagged in and he and Khali take some cheapshots on Batista. Khali gets the tag back in and hits some back elbows in the corner. He goes for a big overhand chop and Batista slips away. He makes the tag to Kane who comes in swinging on Khali. He runs at him with some clotheslines in the corner, but gets dropped soon after.
**2nd Hour
-MVP gets the tag and runs at Kane, who catches him for a chokeslam, but Khali hits him from behind with an overhand chop. Khali gets the tag back in and stands on Kane. He hits a head-butt and some more chops. While Khali distracts the ref, MVP works on Kane illegally. MVP now tags in and he gets hit with some uppercuts, but he gets hit with a drop toe hold for 2. MVP puts in a headlock and the crowd rallies around the good guys. Kane uses his strength and works it into a press slam. MVP comes back with a running kick to the head for a 2 count. Kane now gets in a side slam and he can’t make the tag. MVP gets Khali in who hits a leg drop for 2 when Batista breaks it up.
-Khali goes for the vice grip and Kane blocks it. He goes for the chokeslam, but Khali elbows out of it and drops Kane. MVP gets tagged in, but Kane takes him down and finally makes the hot tag.
-Batista works over MVP in the corner. He hits a running clothesline and MVP slips out of a powerslam. Khali makes the blind tag and catches Batista with a big chop. Khali poses for the crowd and goes for the vice grip and Batista counters. He hits the spinebuster and it gets a 2 count when MVP breaks it up. Action breaking down as Kane is now in and he tries to chokeslam Khali. Batista sees the opening and spears Khali as Kane is holding him. He gets the 3 count off of it and the win.
***Batista & Kane get the win over Khali & MVP in 17:00. (*1/2).
-They hype Taker vs. Rider for later tonight wondering what Edge may have in mind.
-John Cena reminds us not to do drugs, especially enhancement ones.
-Eve Torres comes out on the stage, mic in hand.
-She says the night before Wrestlemania is one of the most important and emotional ones. It’s a night we celebrate those who have paved the way for the superstars of today. She’s really showing off why she won the Diva search here.
-The video package on the High Chief and Rocky Johnson airs.
-Coach and Cole discuss why Wrestlemania is one of the most exciting weekends of the year.
-Biscuits and Gravy! Jesse and Festus are headed to the ring.
-They’re facing Miz and Morrison, next!
-After the break they show Miz & Morrison’s entrances separately.
-Miz gets a mic and says he has a special surprise for Jesse & Festus. Morrison says they have something for them that will expand their mind. It’s the dirt sheet. Wow. They cut up an interview with Jesse to make it sound like he got probed by aliens and loved it.
JESSE & FESTUS VS. MIZ & MORRISON- NON-TITLE MATCH
-The bell rings and Festus goes nuts. He starts it off with Miz and slams him around. He throws Morrison from the apron and gets a 2 count after a head-butt. He tags in Jesse who hits a senton from the top. A side headlock next and then shoulder block, ending in a roll up for 2. Miz decides to bail and heads outside. Jesse chases after him and Morrison catches him with a clothesline on the floor.
-Morrison gets the tag and tags right back in Miz. Jesse bobs and weaves through offense attempts from the two and makes a tag to Festus. He hits a big boot on both opponents and then a big splash. Miz jumps back up and goes at Festus and Jesse throws him outside. Now a flapjack from Festus and that gets the 3 count.
***Festus and Jesse win the non-title match in 4:00. (1/2*).
-More hype for the main event of Rider vs. Undertaker.
-It’s time for the “Raw Rebound.” Is it Flair vs. HBK? No. Cena vs. HHH vs. Orton? No. A look back at the very good Y2J/Hardy match? No. Bunny Mania? Not even that. It’s JBL and McMahon.
-Cole says Finlay will be at Raw on Monday night. Coach is interested to hear what he has to say.
-Big Daddy V and Matt Striker are ring bound. Cole says that while were on the subject of daddies, whose your daddy? Big Daddy V is up next!
-Hey it’s Balls Mahoney!
BIG DADDY V VS. BALLS MAHONEY
-V slaps him around and drops him. Now he puts all 500 of his pounds across Mahoney’s throat. Now some chops and an avalanche. Cole says he think Balls just got deflated. Now a samoan drop.
-The bell tolls! The lights go out! Taker is making his way to the ring, and swiftly! Taker gets V to scurry out of the ring and chokeslams Mahoney.
***Match ends in an apparent no contest in 3:00.
-Taker gets a mic and says death waits for no man. He wants Edge to bring him his minion and bring him to his yard. They can meet their fate, the same fate Edge will meet at ‘Mania. Rest. In. Peace!
-Commercial.
-When they come back from break Taker is still in the ring and his music is playing.
-Edge comes out with Rider and Hawkins.
ZACH RIDER VS. UNDERTAKER
-The bell rings and Rider appears tentative. Rider gets out of the ring and Taker chases after him. Rider gets back in and Hawkins distracts Taker. Rider gets back out and starts throwing punches at him. Taker comes right back and lays him out.
-Taker hits the leg drop on the apron. He throws some haymakers in the corner and then throws him into the turnbuckle. He now throws him outside and goes out after him. He stares down Edge and pounds on Rider some more. Taker goes for a chokeslam and Hawkins gets on the apron. The ref gets distracted and Rider hits a low blow. He gets in some punches and a knee in the corner. He gets on the 2nd rope and throws more punches and Taker pushes him off. Now Taker throws Rider into the corner. He runs at him, but Rider gets in a back elbow.
-Rider drives his shoulder into Taker’s gut. Taker again comes back by throwing him into the corner and hitting more punches. Whip into the corner and an avalanche from Taker then the snake eyes and a clothesline. He drops a leg and gets a 2 count with it. Taker calls for the chokeslam and hits it. Taker goes back to staring down Edge. He puts on the inverted triangle choke and he taps.
***Taker wins in 7:00. (1/2*).
-Hawkins and Edge jump Taker and throw punches at him. They throw him to the ropes and Taker stops short. He throws Hawkins aside and goes for Edge, but he bails. Hawkins gets a chokeslam and stares back down at Edge whose moving up the ramp. He puts Hawkins in the submission hold now. Edge staring back from the entrance way can be heard saying “make him break it.”
-Taker has the belt and holds it up. Edge and Taker stare at each other as the show goes off the air.
-They hype MVP vs. Batista next week on Smackdown for the U.S. Title.
OVERALL: Wow. Pretty lackluster event tonight. The build to ‘Mania has been terribly weak so far. They have 4 full weeks of each show to go, but they’ve been spinning their wheels since No Way Out.
The build for Taker & Edge has hardly been New Years Revolution worthy. Theirs so much you can do with the Taker character as far as theatrics and they’ve done nothing. No crawling out from the ring, or magically appearing caskets with Edge’s name on it and an Edge dummy inside. Maybe that’s just too cheesy, but it’s the things that have worked in the past.
Big Show squashing two guys takes me back to the days of Nitro in ‘96/’97. It’s relatively pointless and going back to what I said earlier, instead of pinning Ryan after the big right hook they should have had the ref do a 10 count. They keep making all these boxing references, but it all comes off flat when they’re wrestling.
Deuce and Domino have no business being on Smackdown. All Deuce does is apply rest holds. Their existence on the show has no purpose, because as jobbers they don’t even make their opponents look strong.
Khali tried, but any match that features him that much, that goes that long is going to be a disaster. If they do have a draft and a 3-hour Raw on April 7th could be that, they need to upgrade the wrestling talent on Smackdown. Way too many V’s, Khali’s and Palumbo’s.
Speaking of Chuck, where is this feud with Noble going? If the feud is over as of tonight then fine, but if it does continue Noble needs a win next week. He’s been destroyed for a month now. The sad thing is it’s probably the best thing Smackdown has going on the mid-card and they won’t get a spot on the ‘Mania card.
Did Miz & Morrison get in trouble? They've lost two non-title matches this week. Way to protect the champs.
