Kayfabe Crimes: Our ‘Naughty’ WWE Superstars

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Greetings friends and foes and my darling 4tune8s . . .  Myss Fortune has arrived and today my gaze is focused on kayfabe crimes.

 

As curious and ‘internet-enabled’ fans, we’ve got to ‘know’ our Superstars in ways we may not have had access to before. We’ve their read highs on news sites, watched their lows on YouTube and expressed our shock/disbelief at their actions on social media platforms. But that’s the person – what about the gimmick? And thinking back over the years, we’ve had some very naughty wrestlers indeed – and I’m not talking about the risqué, Katie Vick, Attitude Era stuff either – I’m talking serious crimes that would attract some serious jail time.

So, just for fun, I thought I would put together a list of eight (8) active full-time wrestlers with ‘interesting’ kayfabe criminal ‘records’. Now, this nowhere near a complete list of all the crimes committed by said wrestler – so feel free to comment on some of ones you might know – and also please note I’m using only active and full time Wrestlers because, let’s face it, with the litany of crimes committed by Mr Undertaker, Mr Kane and/or Mr Stone Cold, this post could never end.

So, without further ado . . .  I present:

 

Four (4) active full-time ‘naughty’ RAW Wrestlers

Rusev

Assault

Mutiny

 – Victim: Manager Sylvester Lefort (2013)

 

Causing international incident

Inciting public discord

Treason

– As ‘Hero of the Russian Federation’ (2014)

 

Assault with a deadly weapon

Grievous bodily harm

 – Victim: Dolph Ziggler resulting in Mr. Ziggler ‘suffering’ a trachea injury (2014)

 

Mutiny

– Victim: ‘League of Nations’ (2015)

 

Collusion, conspiracy (co-conspirator: Lana)

– Victims: Enzo and Big Cass (2016)

 

Attempted entrapment

Attempted kidnap

Excessive force, grievous bodily harm

– Victim: Enzo (2016)

 

Sheamus

Destruction of property

– Almost every Tables, Ladders and Chairs / Hell In a Cell match he’s been in (2009 – Present)

 

Aggravated assault causing grievous bodily harm

– Victim: Jamie Noble (2009)

 

Unprovoked assault

– Victims: a time keeper and Jerry Lawler (2009)

 

Assault causing grievous bodily harm

– Victim: Triple H (2010)

 

Excessive force and repeated assault with a deadly weapon (chair)

– Victim: Big Show (2012)

 

Public whipping

Assault

Excessive Force

– Victim: Mark Henry (Strap Match 2013)

 

Assault

– Victims: Daniel Bryant and Dolph Ziggler (2015)

 

Public Shaming

– Victim: Dolph Ziggler (‘Kiss Me Arse’ match 2015)

 

Colluding, conspiring and facilitating a planned group assault (with League of Nations)

– Victim: Wade Barrett (2016)

 

Public brawling

Destruction of property

Excessive force

Assault with a deadly weapon

Careless indifference

– bar fight with Cesaro (2016)

 

The New Day

Serial collusion, conspiracy and facilitation of group assault

Serial public shaming

Serial assault with a weapon (by Xavier Woods with Francesca mostly)

– Almost every rivalry they’ve been involved in – either face or heel (2015 – present)

 

Unsolicited assault – (by Kofi Kingston)

– Victims: The Lucha Dragons (2015)

 

Destruction of property

Assault with a deadly weapon

– Victims: The Dudley Boyz (2015)

 

Chris Jericho

Serial unprovoked assault

Habitual destruction of property

– (1999 – Present)

 

Destruction of property

Excessive force

– Victim: Road Dogg (1999)

 

Colluding, conspiring and facilitating a planned assault (with Christian)

– Victim: Shawn Michaels (2003)

 

Attempted vehicular homicide

Colluding, conspiring and facilitating a homicide (with Lance Storm)

Destruction of property

Aggravated assault

Careless indifference

– Victim: Goldberg (2003)

 

Assault with a deadly weapon (chair)

– Victim: JBL (2007)

 

Aggravated assault

– Victim: Shawn Michaels (2008)

 

Assault

– Victim: Rebecca ‘Michaels’ (2008)

 

Serial assault – (spree)

– Victims: Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky Steamboat (2009)

 

Attempted assault with a weapon (chair)

– Victim: Rey Mysterio (2009)

 

Colluding, conspiring and facilitating a planned assault

– Victims: ‘The Nexus’

 

Assault

Potential manslaughter (dousing CM Punk in alcohol)

Public shaming

Careless indifference

– Victim: CM Punk (2011)

 

Causing International incident (Brazilian Flag)

Inciting public discord and unrest

– Victim: Brazil (2013)

 

Assault

– Victim: Fandango (2013)

 

Assault

– Victim: The Miz (2014)

 

Serial destruction of property

Serial Assault

Public shaming

Encouraging public discord

– ‘The Highlight Reel’ (2015 – Present)

 

Identity theft

Gross impersonation

– Victim: Sin Cara (2016)

 

Assault

– Victim: Kevin Owens (2017)

 

Four (4) active full-time ‘naughty’ Smackdown Wrestlers

Randy Orton

Serial assault

– ‘The Legend Killer’ (2002)

 

Serial colluding, conspiring and facilitating a planned assault

– In ‘Evolution’ (2003 – 2004)

 

Spitting

– Victim: Harley Race (2004)

 

Assault

– Victim: Stacy Keibler (2005)

 

Attempted premeditated homicide

Entrapment and forced imprisonment

Colluding, conspiring and facilitating a planned assault (with Bob Orton)

Arson

Aggravated assault

– Victim: The Undertaker (2005)

 

Character assassination

– Victim: Eddie Guerrero (2006)

 

Unprovoked assaults – spree

 – Victims: Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes and Sgt. Slaughter (2006)

 

Assault

– Victims: John Cena and Cena’s Father (2007)

 

Assault

– Victim: CM Punk (2007)

 

Serial collusion, conspiracy and facilitation of group assaults

Serial assaults with weapons

– in ‘Legacy’ (2008 – 2010)

 

Assault with a deadly weapon

– Victim: Sheamus (2010)

 

Assault

– Victim: Christian (2011)

 

Assault

– Victim: Sheamus (2012)

 

Assault

– Victims: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez (2013)

 

Serial collusion, conspiracy and facilitation of group assaults (with Batista and Kane)

– Victims: anyone opposed to the ‘The Authority’ and their associates (2014)

 

Serial collusion, conspiracy and facilitation of group assaults

– in ‘Evolution’ (2015)

 

Assault

– Victim: Luke Harper (2016)

 

 

John Cena

Assault

– Victim: Billy Kidman (2002)

 

Destruction of property including a vehicle

Aggravated assault

Grievous Bodily harm

Intentional disregard for safety

Excessive force

Careless indifference

– Victim: JBL (2005)

 

Aggravated assault

Concealing a body

Destruction of property

– Victim: Bray Wyatt (2013)

 

Bray Wyatt (not including his Husky Harris run)

Attempted mass indoctrination/s into Occult/Cult practices

False worship, deceptive influence

Inciting and encouraging public unrest and disillusionment in authority and command ( i.e. ‘dangerous thinker’)

Inciting and encouraging anarchy and/or mutiny

Attempted mass brainwashing and/or mental manipulation

– Victims: everyone (2012 – Present)

 

Aggravated assault

– Victim: Kane (2012)

 

Serial collusion, conspiracy and facilitation of group assaults

Stalking

Entrapment

– Victims: anyone not a Wyatt Family member (2012-2013)

 

Aggravated assault

Destruction of property

– Victim: Dean Ambrose (2014)

 

Multiple unsolicited assaults

– Victim: Ryback (2014)

 

Kidnap

Entrapment

Attempted brainwashing

Assault

Deprivation of liberties

– Victims: The Undertaker and Kane (2015)

 

Assault

– Victim: Randy Orton (2015)

 

Dean Ambrose

Habitual and serial destruction of property

– (2011 – Present)

 

Assault

– Victim: Damien Sandown (2011)

 

Excessive and premeditated provocation, inciting an altercation

Aggravated assault

Grievous bodily harm

– Victim: William Regal (2011)

 

Serial collusion, conspiracy and facilitation of group assaults (with ‘the Shield’)

Serial assaults with weapons (solo and with ‘the Shield’)

Destruction of property

– Victims: Anyone not ‘the Shield’ (2012-2014)

 

Assault – multiple incidences

Theft of personal property

Tampering with personal property

Fashioning an explosive device

– Victim: Seth Rollins (2014)

 

Aggravated Assault

Destruction of property

– Victim: Bray Wyatt (2014)

 

Aggravated Assault

Destruction of property

– Victim: Chris Jericho and his jacket (2016)

 

Aggravated assault

– Victim: The Miz (2016)

 

 

Well, that was quite a kooky task and there so, so many missing . . . but it does seem, even with this list, we have some very naughty boys indeed! I wonder how our girls fare in comparison? So, do tell me what kayfabe ‘crimes’ do you remember? Who’s your biggest ‘record holder’?

 

 

Serenity is an illusion . . . Myss Fortune is real . . .

– MF –

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