WWE Total Divas Report – 8/11/13

Posted by Steve Carrier on Sunday, August 11th, 2013

totaldivas

The show starts off with Brie Bella actually wearing a seatbelt. Nikki let’s us in on a little secret (she’s not really intelligent. Shhh, don’t tell anyone else. She was pulling the wool over all of our eyes)

Bryan and Brie have decided to move to Phoenix so that she can see her dog more often. I applaud this decision, actually, as all life decisions should be made around the desire of pets. Brie hasn’t informed Nikki that she is moving to Phoenix. There may be a hair pulling tiff on the horizon.

Hey, someone else is dating on this show? Trinity is dating an Uso brother. No one really knows which one as he doesn’t get much mic time and the brother’s pretty much look alike anyway.

Trinity doesn’t wear her ring for professional reasons: such as she is embarrassed to be dating an Uso brother. She would much prefer to be dating someone in the Shield.

Now the meat of the show! Let’s see what Eva is doing. Jo-Jo and Eva lock up in the ring. Jo-Jo actually has some decent in ring work. But she is no match for our ravishing firecracker. Eva is given instructions that she has to control her body or she will be hurt. Segueing into… Jo-Jo is hurt after not handing properly after practicing a move. This should set up a future rivalry of incompetence. Which is the worse wrestling sin: not being able to take a hip toss or the lack of ballroom dancing? On a serious note she now has a concussion and her future training is in doubt.

Jon Uso likes guacamole (the highlight of the show thus far). Trinity informs Jon that she doesn’t like to wear her ring because the divas are expected to be single. Even though every other diva is dating someone/married. Trinity promises she will wear her ring when she is married. This is a great way for a woman to pressure a guy into marriage or a break up.
The Bella’s need to look good while working out. More marriage talk from Nikki; but this time its in regards to her sister of 29 years.

Here comes the bombshell… Brie is moving to Phoenix and Nikki thinks this is extreme as ECW. This is totally Bryan’s fault as he is the whipping boy of the WWE. Brie rebukes this comment and tries to talk some sense into her sister but as we have previously seen Nikki does not have the pedigree of Damien Sandow.

Brie and Nikki are about to take Hollywood by storm. The pair has decided to follow the footsteps of Kane, The Rock, The Miz, Randy Orton and many other WWE superstars and jump into WWE advertised films. Brie is noticeably late for the 3 p.m appointment with the director. The rift between the Bella’s grows. We learn that the Bella Twins will be managed by Harvey Danger in their film debut. Brie’s absence puts a strain on their integrity but Brie shows up with a late run in and saves the day. Crisis averted and the movie will go on with the Bella’s in increased action.

Now Jo-Jo is dating a guy named Sebastian. Jo-Jo introduces her mate to Eva Marie and is now immediately single. Just kidding, this guy is not on Eva Marie’s level. Jo-Jo takes her boyfriend to the beach for a romantic wade in murky water.
In Phony Workout Scene 2, the girls forget that they aren’t boxers as Nikki hits’ Brie’s padded hands “too hard.” This is the same equipment used by heavyweight boxers, but who knows? Maybe her punching power is somehow fueled by her self-absorption. Nikki is still really upset about Brie’s move to Phoenix.

Jo-Jo is struggling to keep up with the other girl’s while her boyfriend puts pressure on her to spend time together. This relationship is not working out and Sebastian decides to break up with Jo-Jo; which is odd because he is kind of dorky looking and will never date someone of the caliber of Jo-Jo ever again. Maybe he’s related to Jerry Seinfeld and turns down attractive models for whimsical reasons? I’ll check and see if Larry David is in the credits of the show as they roll to closure this evening.

The show opens back up to Trinity and Jon performing/practicing wrestling moves on each other.

Trinity reveals that she has a fear of top-rope leg drops. This is somehow treated by her fiancé as a metaphor for their relationship. No one has a problem taking this suggestion seriously. Eva Marie would have no problem delivering a leg drop off the top rope. Bill Demott tells her she needs a good kick in the ass and that indecisive people get their segment’s cut.

Jon pressures Trinity towards marriage. This is the polar opposite of Nikki who wants John Cena to marry her on a whim.
Jo-Jo and Eva Marie have a heart to heart in the car about the perils of the wrestling business. She has to decide between the love of her life and her love of the wrestling business. There certainly could be no compromise.

Eva continues to do nothing this episode, and her personality’s absence is felt. But then the Bella’s start blurting out “camel toe” “crotch” and “vagina” for a reason that I missed, and I forget that this show involves any other people. Bryan looks very uncomfortable. He might be the master of submissions but he taps out to a room of women talking about their genitalia.

Nikki tells Brie and Bryan that she hates them for moving, and they react as though she told them she hates cottage cheese. Nikki leaves the scene in her car. Hopefully wearing a seat-belt!

Nattie comes in to kick some newbie ass… teach them the ropes of the business. Jo-Jo is depressed that she must sit on the sidelines and wait out her concussion/problems with Sebastian.

Based on a thirty-second conversation Nattie suggests that Jojo dump her boyfriend. She is barely able to hide her self-satisfaction when Jojo breaks into tears. Jo-Jo is at a crossroads pondering a lucrative wrestling contract or a dime a dozen boyfriend.

John Cena plays his usual role as the voice of reason, pointing out to Nikki that she is self-absorbed and selfish. Nikki can’t compute negative statements about her but she likes it when people talk about her. Nikki is jealous that she will no longer be able to spend time with her sister. Bryan is once again the scapegoat.

Jon Uso comes in and demands that Trinity communicate to him about their relationship. Trinity can not be expected to make decisions at the tender age of 25. Jon should go fine Mae Young! Jon gets so angry that Trinity isn’t pregnant with his babies yet that he packs a tiny suitcase and smashes a glass in what is totally not just some dramatic temper tantrum.

The Bella twins have their most emotional scene yet as they stand twelve feet away from each other and mumble apologies toward the walls. The Bella’s are finally coming together as team-mates and sisters.
Trinity gossips to the rest of the girl’s about her commitment woes.

Ariane shows up with tonsillitis, a yeast infection, and a urinary tract infection. She doesn’t know whether she’s contagious, but she’s up for a night of rolling around half-naked with a lot of sweaty people. I am almost certain there are doctor’s on call for this sort of issue. But why not infect the entire roster of RAW and Smackdown?

Trinity finally gets her dream of fighting Jon in the ring. Even though they were practicing earlier and have had sexual intercourse many times, they are not familiar with working with one another. Plus they are pretty pissed off at each other. Remember, Jon broke her favorite glass in an earlier segment. Mark Cabbrano comes in and tells Trinity that this is a professional place of employment and even though the company produces drama there is no place for real drama on the television screen.

Ariane is sick and Trinity is sick of her boyfriend. How the hell is this match going to happen?

The match starts off with the Bella’s wearing next to nothing. Eva Marie and Jo-Jo are having a jolly time from the sidelines. One of the Bella’s tags Jon in and we’re about to have our first contact between men and women in the WWE.

This is preposterous! This is never supposed to happen. Their personal drama invades the match in a way that either stretches or destroys the meaning of kayfabe. On the one hand, it acknowledges the fakeness of the wrestlers’ in-ring personas. On the other hand, it reveals the falsity of the Total Divas world. If you had any doubts, here it is: This is all still part of the show.

The match continues with Team Funk coming out on top. Trinity was very uncomfortable during this match. She doesn’t like being stressed out. I wonder if she will like being disciplined by Stephanie McMahon? This seems like a much greater offense than lying about ballroom dancing!

Jo-Jo comes to a realization. She does want to be a professional wrestler! Nothing is going to get in her way. Not even true love. Business before pleasure and you’ll be a Diva’s treasure. I’m sure Jo-Jo has a twitter account. All you white knight wrestling fans should start sending compliments, dating requests and marriage proposals.

Ariane tries to track down Trinity. She spills her guts about loving Jon but not really wanting to commit to a lengthy relationship. Trinity arbitrarily decides that she is mistreating John because a past boyfriend cheated on her. One clumsy reconciliation later and we’re back to the status quo, ready for more wacky adventures next week.

TONS OF PHOTOS FROM SUNDAY’S TOTAL DIVAS EPISODE….

Source: WrestlingNewsWorld.com




  • DarkenSoul

    I used to Like these Girls, after watching the show and realizing what and how stuck up they are no thank U , I would rather watch the golden girls

    • http://www.facebook.com/Danny.Rocks.Mountain.Tops Daniel Vollmer

      Nikki is the stuck up one..and she’s a gold digger and very selfish..Brie isn’t stuck up because look who she picked for life? not the most good looking guy but one of the nicest guys in Bryan. That shows you what type of person she is, and they live in a small apartment and that’s okay with her. Brie could get whoever she wanted, she’s that beautiful, yet she loves Bryan..tells you a lot….and that Nikki is the mean one.

      • Idolizer

        Nikki is definitely the troubled one of the two. No doubt about it. No loss for Cena when he tosses her to the wind.

    • Idolizer

      Then watch the Golden Girls then, asshole.

  • jim morris

    Bella’s Hollywood careers are now in the hands of manager Harvey Danger? now it were Carlos Danger, we’d have an interesting show

    • Idolizer

      Who the fuck cares?

      • allanmccann

        your such an ass lol calm down im replying to your comments on the rock cause i cant find the post anymore lol i didnt mean hes not in great shape but so is scott steiner doesnt mean his career couldnt end anyday, rock is 41 and he got hurt bad both times wrestling cena…cena! a guy like sheamus or brock lesnar or any rough wrestlers would hurt him, hes in great shape but he barely ever steps in a ring and that makes u weak to the ring plus look it up people who work out ALOT get hurt alot more, thats all i was saying

        also total divas is doing good so alot of people care even if you dont. so is tna and all the other things you bitch about.

        • Idolizer

          Dude do you know how to post in a proper thread? Evidently not. Allan face it… you’re a complete fuck’n idiot.



Recent Headlines

vince-mcmahon-cm-punk

Former WWE Creative Writer Talks Last Minute Changes In WWE, Backstage Issues, CM Punk & More (04/23)

 

Former WWE creative writer Chris “Big Dick Johnson” DeJoseph, who worked alongside Vince McMahon, recently took part in an exclusive interview with PWMania.com. DeJoseph speaks … Continue reading
ecw

What’s Up With The Extreme Rising Title?, NJPW Tour Bus Pic (04/23)

 

– ShopTNA.com has released new t-shirts for The Wolves. – Following the cancellation of all future Extreme Rising events, Pro Wrestling Syndicate posted the following … Continue reading
stephaniemcmahon

PHOTOS: Linda & Stephanie McMahon At Women’s Event (04/23)

 

During the first edition of her “Women Can Have It All” series, Linda McMahon interviewed her daughter Stephanie McMahon. The event took place at Sacred … Continue reading
Chris Jericho

JR/Y2J Podcast Previews, John Cena Tweets, WWE Stock (04/23)

 

– At the closing bell on Wednesday, WWE stock was at $22.10 per share. That is down about 2% from Tuesday. – John Cena tweeted … Continue reading
sunny

‘Sunny’ Tweets, ROH-NJPW Global Wars + Hardcore Roadtrip (04/23)

 

– Hardcore Roadtrip sent in the following earlier today: Hardcore Roadtrip Wrestlers begin arriving in the city starting tomorrow as Hardcore Roadtrip prepares for its … Continue reading
cena scoobydoo

Why WWE Doesn’t Turn John Cena Heel, Meet Ric Flair (04/23)

 

Partial Source: The Wrestling Observer Newsletter – As we’ve reported several times here on the website, WWE has always been hesitant to turn John Cena … Continue reading
sunny

Rumors Swirling On ‘Sunny’, Where’s Trevor Murdoch Now? (04/23)

 

– WWE.com has a new “Where Are They Now?” article looking at former WWE talent Trevor Murdoch. Murdoch says he’s still working the indies and … Continue reading
ChristopherDaniels

Report: Christopher Daniels & TNA Part Ways (04/23)

 

Christopher Daniels noted on Twitter today that he is officially a free agent. As previously reported, Daniels’ contract with TNA was set to expire, and … Continue reading
Dusty-Rhodes

A Big WWE Mistake, Dusty Rhodes’ Interesting Tweet (04/23)

 

– The May issue of WWE Magazine has a feature called “31 Bold Predictions for WrestleMania 31″. Entry #22 features a mistake, in that it … Continue reading
ddpyoga1

DDP: ‘I Was Set Up By Nancy Grace!’ + More (04/23)

 

DDP spoke with the Undisputed Wrestling Show and touched on a number of topics, most notably his interview with Nancy Grace following Ultimate Warrior’s death. … Continue reading
MORE POSTS