AEW DARK Results (6/16): Lance Archer, SCU, Jurassic Express & More In Action


June 16, 2020
Jacksonville, FL

1. Jurassic Express def. Jon Cruz & Capital Vices. There’s a big man named “Sin”, and a taller, lanky man with an extraordinary mustache. You ever see Tommy Boy? Capital Vices is David Spade and Chris Farley, with facial hair. They got a bit of offense, including a Flatliner/springboard leg drop combo on Jungle Boy. Luchasaurus murdered all of them. Multiple times. Jungle Boy pinned Cruz with the assisted cutter, as Marko Stunt did topes on both sides o the ring to take out the others.

2. SCU def. Brandon Cutler & Peter Avalon (w/ Leva Bates). Excalibur described the unreal losing streaks of Avalon and Cutler as “a race to the bottom”. Yikes. Avalon was grumpy and kept trying to get involved, but SCU destroyed him with flurries of double team moves every time he got in the ring.  SCU wins with Celebrity Rehab.

3. Big Swole def. Dani Jordyn. 

— Peter Avalon and Brandon Cutler argued backstage about which of them were the worst wrestler in AEW. They started shoving each other and Avalon said he never wanted to team with him again.

4. Lance Archer def. David Ali. Archer once again beat up a “production assistant” on the way to the ring. This could have ended in about 12 seconds, but went like 5 minutes instead. Maybe the most one-sided fight that lasted longer than a minute ever.

5. Joey Janela & Sonny Kiss def. Musa & Shawn Dean. This is the first showing of the new team of Janela and Sonny, after it was teased on Dynamite last week. As random as it is, they seem to have pretty good chemistry. If there’s anyone who can get Sonny on TV and get him something to finally sink his teeth into, it’s the guy who’s made more indie names than ANYONE over the last few years. Sonny actually got the pin with a top rope splits leg drop. How do you now pull ALL the groin muscles doing that?? Lance Archer tried to come back out and murder more people, but Jake “The Snake” Roberts talked him down.

6. Allie & Brandi Rhodes def. Red Velvet & Kenzie Paige. Brandi wanted to shake the newcomers’ hands, but Allie attacked from behind. Kenzie got in some offense, beating the hell out of Allie’s chest with heavy forearm shots. Brandi did the drop-down palm thrust, shades of her brother-in-law Dustin. Allie wanted the tag but fell off the apron and pretended to have an ankle injury. This of course distracted QT, who distracted Dustin, while Brandi got beat down. She eventually fought her way back, speared both opponents, but Allie blind tagged herself in and stole the pin. Brandi & Allie nearly brawled, but the men split them up.

7. Shawn Spears def. Lee Johnson. Short but solid match. More of a showcase to reintroduce Spears with this new, more ruthless personality with his black glove. He got the win with the Scorpion Death Lock.