Impact Wrestling Results (12/17): Sami Callihan Calls Out Tessa Blanchard, Ethan Page vs Rich Swann


— Brian Cage is trying to get into the locker room, but Rob Van Dam and his girlfriend are making out in front of the door. RVD wishes him luck in their match at Hard To Kill, but says “he knows how to counter his own moves” so it shouldn’t be much of a challenge.

Live Make-out Session

Rob Van Dam makes his way to the ring and continues to make out with his girlfriend, who grabs the mic and insults wrestling fans, before claiming that Rob is the “man of her dreams, who makes her scream”. Yikes. Van Dam claims fans have a short attention span, but can’t even get through his sentence without making out with his girlfriend again. He calls Brian Cage an RVD “mark”, which brings the Machine down to the ring.

The two immediately start trading rights and lefts. Van Dam hits a thrust kick, but Cage turns him out with a lariat. He sets up for the F5, but Forbes catches him with a low blow. They set him up in the corner and Forbes holds a chair to Cage’s face, while Van Dam prepares to go coast-to-coast. The fans chant along with his pose, so he jumps down and refuses to do the move, instead superkicking the chair into Cage’s face. He and Forbes make out some more before finally leaving.

— Taya Valkyrie tries to butter up Madison Rayne and Kiera Hogan in the ladies locker room, but they’re not having it. Apparently her attitude and personality are so repulsive that not even the heels want to help her. Hogan wants to know what’s in it for them. Taya promises to give them both a Knockouts title shot if she’s still champion after Hard To Kill.

Ethan Page (w/ Josh Alexander) vs. Rich Swann (w/ Willie Mack)

Swann starts the tone with a dropkick before lighting up Ego in the corner with mounted punches, as the crowd chants along with each one. He delivers a loud kick to the back, and is starring daggers into Alexander on the outside while he keeps the pressure on, inflicting punishment. A few seconds later, Alexander grabbed his boot for the blatant distraction, but the referee was too busy yelling at Willie Mack for no reason. Page follows with a powerslam, before driving his knees and boots into Swann’s back, one after another. A fan yells “You Suck Ethan!” and he yells back, “Oh yeah, I’m winning right now you moron!”

Swann starts throwing right hands and tries to mount a comeback, but is immediately whipped into the corner  as hard as the champ can manage. Alexander continues to taunt and cause distractions from the floor, while Page rains down with stomps. Swann again throws rights, but this time follows with a springboard clothesline and a neckbreaker for two. An enzuigiri lands in the corner for another two-count. After yet another distraction from Alexander, Page hits a straight jacket suplex and the Neutralizer, but it’s not enough. Swann surprises him with a superkick, then hits a second and a third. He heads to the second rope for the 450 splash, but Page rolls out of the way and destroys his opponent with a ridiculous shoulder tackle. Wow.

Page ends up hitting a body slam from the top rope, and following with a Swanton Bomb, but he only gets another nearfall. He goes to the well again, but Swann catches him with an enzuigiri and fires off a headsicssors to send him crashing down to the floor. Swann looked to fly, but Alexander got in the way and took the shot instead. Willie Mack has had enough, hitting the ring and leveling the champ with a big right hand. The referee calls for the bell, and Page has a huge grin on his face.

Winner: Ethan Page (via DQ)

— Rich Swann is not happy after the match, throwing his hands up in the air and trying to figure out what the hell happened. Willie Mack tries to explain himself, but Swann’s not interested right now.

— Moose finds Rhino in the locker room and the two start brawling, until officials and wrestlers are able to hold them apart. Looks like we have a new match for Hard To Kill.

Ace Romero vs. Joey Ryan

Before the match can get started, Johnny Swinger comes out and joins commentary. Ryan starts the match by covering himself in body oil. Romero hits him with an Atomic Drop, but the Dong is so powerful that it hurts the big man’s knee. Romero instead just flattens him with a huge running splash. He claims he’s not touching “that” and delivers a Spinebuster. Ryan fires back and bounces Ace’s head off the ropes, so he gets woozy and falls right between his legs. He pulls the blowpop from his trunks and puts it… in the referee’s mouth! The ref goes down! Ryan makes the big man touch the Dong, but Johnny Swinger has had enough. Swinger clears the ring and tries to do the Dick Flip with his fannypack, but is murdered instead. Joey recovers and somehow flips Romero with the Dick Flip. He shoves a second blowpop down his throat, hits the superkick, and gets the win.

Winner: Joey Ryan

— Tessa Blanchard calls out Sami Callihan as the most “vile and disgusting” world champion Impact has ever had, and promises she will make history at Hard To Kill. Not because she’s a woman, but because she’s better than him, and she’ll be the one take the title off Callihan.


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