IMPACT Wrestling Results (3/1): Sami Callihan vs Eddie Edwards, Laurel Van Ness Marries the Knockouts Title & More


– The Cult of Lee runs into the two masked dudes they accidentally beat up last week (two weeks ago maybe?) thinking they were LAX. Turns out they were LAX as they unmasked and beat the hell out of the #1 contenders as Konnan talks a little trash. They let them keep the bandanas they stole…for now!

– Alberto el Patron cut a promo claiming that Austin Aries came into IMPACT and took his spot, saying he should be the IMPACT World Champion right now. He declares that whoever wins at Crossoads between Aries and Johnny Impact will have to defend the title against him. That’s weird, because I distinctly remember there being a #1 contender’s match recently and him NOT winning it.

(4) Rosemary def. Hania the Huntress. Hania’s last match before she refused to job to Su Yung at the television tapings and got sent packing. Rosemary hit a spear and the Red Wedding and won a relatively short match. Hania is…not great.

– Rosemary cut a creepy, excellent promo after her match calling Hania a little she-wolf, but proclaiming herself as the “Alpha Bitch” of the Knockouts division. She lays claim to the title but is interrupted by a returning Taya Valkyrie! The two traded insults reigniting their old rivalry that never got a proper conclusion, and ended up brawling until Taya hit Road to Valhalla on the ramp.

– It’s time for the wedding ceremony between Laurel Van Ness and… the Knockouts Championship. Apparently. KM is officiating. I guess he’s an ordained minister now. KM says he’s married men and women, men and men, women and women, and now he’s going to marry Crazy Laurel to a giant belt buckle because it’s 2018. I might be paraphrasing. When they got to the “does anyone object” part of the ceremony Braxton Sutter came out and complained about Brian Cage almost killing him earlier tonight. Sutter claims he made the worst mistake of his life leaving LVN for Allie and wants to spend the rest of his life with Laurel and the Knockouts title. This ends with Laurel screaming at him and Allie rushing the ring (she was disguised as a photographer) and the two brawling until they’re separated.

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(5) Sami Callihan def. Eddie Edwards. This was the match that Sami murdered him with a baseball bat. Great, great match. If you haven’t been following Callihan on the indies since he left NXT this is basically what you’ve been missing. They beat the actual f— out of each other but at the end Eddie stole it with a quick rollup out of nowhere.

– Sami got his revenge afterwards by putting a chair on his chest and smashing it with a baseball bat, but it ricocheted the wrong way and smashed him straight in the face. Bobby Lashley ran out to make the save but the other members of OVE cut him off. They all brawl to the back as Sami sits in his chair and gives everyone a thumbs down.

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