IMPACT Wrestling Results (3/17): The Hacker Revealed

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Back from commercial and Joey Ryan enters the arena dressed like Ned Flanders, followed by Rob Van Dam & Katie Forbes in a big fur coat. Ryan puts over Van Dam’s athleticism, Forbes’ backside, and his own penis. He says that we have lost the privilege of the three people’s gifts. Dam says that their opponents have been drinking, and that wrestling while messed up on substances is not professional. This elicits a “how high are you?” chant from the crowd. Ryan says their opponents are “cancelled.”

Cancel Culture (Joseph P. Ryan & Robert Van Dam) (w/ Katie Forbes) vs. The Deaners

Ryan chastises Jake to start. Jake gets hit by a huge elbow to the face. Cody tags in and hits a ropehung knee strike. Cody gets a nearfall on Ryan. Cody pummels Ryan in the corner. Ryan crotches Cody on the top rope. Van Dam tags in and its a huge kick. Van Dam maintains dominance.

Van Dam signals for Rolling Thunder but doesn’t. Van Dam does it again. Ryan tags in. Joey punches Cody in the ribs. Ryan teases the Penis-Plex but doesn’t do it. Jake tags in.

Jake runs over Ryan. Jake hits a Michinoku Driver, Van Dam breaks up the pin. Jake fights off the double team. Cody tags in. The referee is distracted. Forbes hits Cody. Cody argues with Katie, who yells “Stop Looking At Me!”

Ryan hits Cody with a Superkick. Van Dam tags in and hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pinfall in 4:30.

WINNERS: Cancel Culture

Backstage Ken Shamrock has no clue why he’s here, but is happy to be here anyway. Ace Austin tries to recruit Willie Mack to be his tag partner, but Willie Mack says he only has one tag partner. Mack reveals that he has scramble match next week to get a shot at Austin’s X-Division Title.

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