Impact Wrestling Results: The Wedding of Brian Cage & Melissa Santos

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Impact Wrestling Results
September 27, 2019
Las Vegas, NV

– A super cheesy video package about Brian Cage and Melissa Santos’ relationship opened the show. Tonight is night of the big wedding! Nothing could possibly go wrong!

– The North came to the ring mocking LAX after beating them two weeks ago to force them out of Impact for good. After trashing them and Konnan for a good while, Alexander reiterated that they won’t need to become 4-time tag team champions because their current reign is never going to end. Konnan came out and went back and forth with Ethan Page, who might just be the most underrated promo in wrestling right now. Konnan eventually brought out some old friends, Rhino and Rob Van Dam, leading to a brawl.

– RHINO & ROB VAN DAM def. ETHAN PAGE & JOSH ALEXANDER in a non-title tag team match

– Gama Singh yelled at the Desi Hit squad backstage over all their recent B.S. with The Deaners, and said he had to go all the way back to India to find someone to get the job done, which is why we saw Mahabali Sheera return last week.

– It’s time for the first segment of the night from the wedding venue. Reno Scum added something to Eddie Edwards drink…

– MAHABALI SHERA def. COUSIN JAKE

– We head back to the wedding venue where TJP and Fallah Bahh are continuing their strange new partnership (?), while Edwards is already showing clear signs of having been drugged. It’s coming off like he’s just a drunk, so I think we know where this is going…

– TENILLE DASHWOOD def. MADISON RAYNE

– It’s official: Taya Valkyrie vs. Tenille for the Knockouts Championship at Bound for Glory

– More segments with the wedding. I didn’t catch all of this one as there’s a nasty story in our area all night, but it involved Rob Van and the Swann/Willie Mack tag team.

– MMA legend Ken Shamrock made his long-awaited return to Impact. The dude is absolutely jacked. He thanked the fans and talked about his early days, including being the first world champion in the promotion’s history. He eventually got around to calling out Moose, saying he’s been talking a lot of trash lately, and he’s gone out of his way to get invited here tonight so that he can call out the big man and put this to bed once and for all. Moose showed up on the tron and is at Shamrock’s school beating up his students.

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– Taya tries to convince Rosemary to take out Tenilel Dashwood for her, offering her a Knockouts title match if she can do it. Rosemary wants nothing to do with her anymore.

– TESSA BLANCHARD def. DAVE CRIST in a Bound for Glory Ladder Match qualifier

– It’s wedding time! We see both the parties getting ready to walk down, and Madison Rayne is freaking out because Eddie Edwards is wasted and he’s supposed to be a groomsmen. Ace Austin shows up, surprise of all surprises, to take his place. Tommy Dreamer walked the bride to the ring but before things could get started, Taya interrupted everyone to basically say the wedding looked like garbage and to make sure nobody thought she had anything to do with planning it. The North also interrupted and Page says he’s starting a wrestler’s union due to unfair treatment from Impact management. This was a total disaster as expected. Edwards came back and puked all over Cage’s brother. The priest got taken out and Father James Mitchell had to fill in. Eventually, they actually manage to get married.

– We head back to the ring where Cage and Santos come out as husband and wife to have their first dance in front of the fans. Sami Callihan came out and said he wants the “old Brian Cage” in their title match at Bound for Glory and not somebody who’s broken down. He dodged an attack from Cage and “accidentally” shattered a bottle of the bubbly over Melissa’s head, knocking her out – and that’s how this ends, for now.