ThunderStruck: WWE Raw Analysis 12/02/13

CM Punk kicks off Raw saying he wants nothing to do with anybody in the Authority, but he believes in his gut that his comment about Triple H last week is what led to him being attacked by the Shield. He talks about how stupid Triple H is if he did that. Stephanie McMahon interrupts. Stephanie says there are no bigger advocates of free speech than the Authority and she denies their involvement in him being attacked last week. Stephanie says they are too busy to deal with him but he can talk to Kane, the director of operations, if he has an issue. Kane comes out and says the findings of their investigation is that the Authority had nothing to do with the attack on CM Punk and the issue is resolved. Punk challenges Kane to get in the ring with him right now and get knocked out. The Shield’s music hits instead and Punk grabs a chair. Stephanie stops them and tells them she will not have a repeat of what happened last week and that Punk is to be respected and admired. Kane books Punk in a handicap match against all three members of the Shield at TLC.

^I didn’t hate this, but Kane being in the Authority is somewhat pointless to me. I just don’t see the point of the overall booking here; it reminds me too much of the Immortal angle in TNA where the right guys were never properly used.

Damien Sandow takes on Dolph Ziggler and the winner will be the number one contender for the Intercontinental Championship at TLC. Big E. does commentary for the match. Sandow gets the win with “you’re welcome” in under four minutes. Sandow and Big E. stare at one another after the match.

^I like the push of the IC Title, but a four minute match on a three hour show isn’t going to convince anyone that they were trying to give us a worthwhile match. At least Sandow will now be booked on a pay per view.

AJ Lee, Tamina and Summer Rae take on Natalya and the Bellas in a six divas tag team match. Natalya pins AJ in just over four minutes with a messy small package that comes undone during the three count. AJ skips around with the belt after the match.

^Natalya continues her push towards the Divas Title, but this is still AJ’s reign. Four minutes again. At this rate, we should see at least 25 matches on the show!

Bad News Barrett(Wade) is at a podium by the announce table. He says he has some good news and some bad news. The good news is we are live on Raw, but the bad news is that we are stuck in an arena full of hillbillies and overweight miscreants.

^What was the point of this? He still doesn’t impress me anymore.

Randy Orton tells Maddox backstage that he is glad to see him back. He tells Maddox to tell the Authority that he demands them to declare him the face of WWE and that he is bigger than the WWE itself.

^Makes sense that Maddox will do whatever Orton wants since Orton kicked his ass last week.

Without an explanation given here on Raw, Daniel Bryan is back and has a match with Erick Rowan right now. Luke Harper is in Rowan’s corner. Dbry wins the match with a rollup in just over eleven minutes. He celebrates on the outside after the match until the lights go out. Bray Wyatt shows up on the tron and tells his family to stand down. Bray tells Dbry that they won’t hurt him unless he tells them to. Dbry says he has done a lot of horrible things to good people. Bray says he was wrong about Dbry when he saw him as someone crawling uphill. He sees Dbry for what he really is and sees the monster in him. He says together, they can tear the walls off this place and bring the machine to its knees. He tells him to open his eyes.

^Interesting promo. You wonder if Bray means taking down the Authority or taking down the rebellion against the Authority, or does he mean something else altogether? Regardless, it’s probably the most interesting thing I’ve heard on this show in weeks. Great match by the way between Rowan and Dbry. Dbry does a good job making almost ANYONE(including Ryback) look good.

Dbry approaches Kane backstage. Kane congratulates Dbry on his victory and then books him in a three on one handicap match as well against the Wyatts at TLC. He then mocks Dbry with the yes chants.

^WWE must know how good Punk and Dbry are by booking them in these matches. Too bad I’d rather see them going one on one for the Unified World Title.

R-Truth and Xavier Woods are taking on Tons of Funk. Brodus is mad at Xavier for stealing the Funkadactyls, for those of you who didn’t see Smackdown. Xavier pin Brodus in just over four minutes with a rollup. Brodus is furious after the match and almost gets into it with Tensai.

^So the heel turn for Brodus is coming, and the Truth/Woods tandem is hot for now. Too bad no one will remember them in three weeks when the hot streak comes to an end and creative has nothing for them to do.

Sin Cara takes on Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio cuts a promo before the match about beating him down before calling immigration to send him back to the other side of the border. Sin Cara pins Del Rio after a senton bomb in four and a half minutes.

^First of all, Sin Cara almost fell off the ropes when he stepped up for the senton. He still doesn’t matter, and trying to push him again and again won’t change his lack of excitement. I just read that tonight was Hunico once again playing Sin Cara instead of Mistico. Second of all, we have another match in the four minute range. Apparently our attention spans can only handle ONE match going longer than five minutes(Dbry/Rowan).

John Cena is interviewed backstage by Renee Young. He says being the Undisputed Champion would mean everything to him.

^Thankfully he kept this short and sweet. His promo work is hit or miss with me, and when it’s short, it’s usually better.

The Shield defeats Cody Rhodes, Goldust and the Big Show in a six man tag. Rollins pins Goldust for the win.

^We’ve seen this combination too many times already, and all of a sudden the push Big Show was receiving has just disappeared. What sense does this make to the rest of you out there?

CM Punk is interviewed by Renee Young. He talks about facing the Shield at TLC and knowing that he’s going down. He wonders how many of the Shield he will take with him.

^Should be an excellent match when you put the talent of Punk against all the talent in the Shield.

Wade Barrett gives us more bad news. He says we are all constipated and sweat when we eat because of Thanksgiving.

^I’m seeing a pattern of “let’s see how many of our performers we can pack into a three hour show.” This is NOT the right formula to get a quality show.

Kofi Kingston and the Miz take on Ryback and Curtis Axel. Apparently the Miz and Kofi have made up due to creative’s error with turning Miz heel before his new Christmas movie came out. Ryback and Axel win. Kofi and Miz can’t get along after the match.

^This was a waste of time. Some of the other matches could’ve been extended and these four could’ve been saved for a longer match on Smackdown. There are two “major” shows for a reason each week.

Mark Henry comes out for a match against Fandango. This should be quick. Henry wins a short match. He makes fun of Summer Rae after the match.

^Henry is back and Henry is dominant. Again, could’ve been saved for Smackdown.

The Real Americans are out next. The Prime Time Players are already in the ring. Colter says PTP now stands for Prime Time Pukers because of O’Neil’s actions on Smackdown. This is stupid. Cesaro swings Titus around despite Zeb’s protest in fear that Titus will puke again. So dumb. Zeb stops him during the spin. Cesaro pins Darren Young after an uppercut.

^I don’t know how to score this. I just can’t believe that my level of frustration has actually increased throughout the show. It’s too much being packed into one program and it’s just ridiculous stuff.

The WWE App was promoted all night and the fans voted for the champion after TLC to be called the Unified Champion. Hunter and Stephanie come to the ring and bring out each competitor. The lack of crowd reaction shows just how little everyone cares about this match. Hunter and Stephanie emphasize how important both titles are with their rich lineage. Now it’s time to sign the contract. Cena and Orton then exchange words. Cena says Orton is the most gifted WWE star ever. Then he ridicules him for taking the lazy route. Cena says he never asked to be called anything, but he’s the first to show up and the last to leave. Cena tells Orton he can leave or make a move. Cena says if he makes a move right now, Cena will remind the audience what a TLC match really is. Orton flips the table and they brawl. Cena hits Orton with a ladder but then Orton gets the upper hand and bounces Cena off a ring post. Cena hits Orton with anoter ladder and then grabs a steel chair. He hits Orton twice with the chair and then with a microphone. Next he bashes Orton’s head off the steel steps. Orton then hits Cena with the ladder in the ring when he pushes it onto him. Orton then hits Cena with multiple chair shots. He sets up a table and then Cena fights back. He tosses Orton through the table in the corner of the ring and then goes for an AA on the other table and succeeds. Cena stands over Orton and raises up both titles to end the show.

^If the match at TLC is going to anything like this, it will be slow and boring. Cena’s final promo work on Orton was some of his best in recent memory, but overall the segment bored me.

Two average matches on a show with nine booked matches and two major in ring segments. Seriously? I’m scoring this 3/10 and not being generous whatsoever. Just a boring show that kept going and was too full of meaningless matches. Thanks for reading. – add me