TNA iMPACT! Results – May 23, 2013


Report by Stuart Carapola &

Hulk Hogan comes out to start the show by telling us he got loaded before the show with Shark Boy because AJ Styles is joining Aces & Eights tonight. Hogan calls Sting out to join him in the ring so he can remind him how he appreciates what Sting is doing, but tells him that the stipulation about Sting not getting another title shot if he loses doesn’t have to go down because Hogan has the power here, not Bully Ray. Sting wants Hogan to keep things the way they are because he was the one who trusted Bully Ray, and he needs to shoulder the blame and take the title and the power away from Bubba. Sting wants to keep the stipulation because if he can’t take the title and destroy Aces & Eights, then he doesn’t deserve to ever be champion again. Brooke Hogan and her crappy entrance music come out so Brooke can say that neither of them were at fault, and that she was the one who fell for Bully Ray. Hulk tries to protest, but Brooke insists that she’s at fault and she’s sick of seeing Hulk and Sting taking the blame for this. Brooke’s proud of the Knockouts and she loves being in TNA, but she feels like she’s ruined everything so she thinks she should resign as the leader of the Knockouts division. Hulk says not to think like that, but Brooke says she promised Dixie…oh wait, Bully Ray comes out to interrupt and ask why the three of them are sitting out here taking the blame for everything. It’s not Hulk, Sting, or Brooke’s fault, because they need to understand that it’s all Bully Ray’s fault. It’s Bubba’s fault Hogan doesn’t know how to run the company, it’s his fault he stabbed Hulk in the back, and he’s the one who turned the company upside down. There’s only one person in the ring he does blame, and that’s Brooke. Hulk tries to hold Brooke back and Bubba tells him to keep his hands off his wife. He blames Brooke for making him fall for her, because he still thinks of her every morning and night, they have a connection and Brooke can deny it all she wants, but he still loves her. He will always love her, and that’s why he will never take his wedding ring off. Brooke doesn’t seem to know what to think and is speechless as Bubba walks back through the crowd.

Suicide is backstage and his time for redemption is near. All the agony and suffering are ready to be unleashed, and the time for payback has arrived.

Petey Williams vs Suicide vs Joey Ryan

The announcers, joined by Kenny King, mention that Joey is here to replace Zema Ion, who is out of action with appendicitis…and a ton of medical bills, by the way. I stand by what I said about these stupid three way X Division matches last week and I’m not going to sit here recapping a spotfest that everyone involved is better than. The focus is on Suicide, who is making his first TV appearance in over two years and pins Joey with a double chickenwing into a gutbuster.

Winner: Suicide

Incidentally, if you want to donate a few bucks to help Zema Ion with his medical bills, you can do so by clicking here.

Chris Sabin comes into James Storm’s locker room and offers to be his tag team partner at Slammiversary, but Storm turns him down because Sabin has the chance to do something cool by winning the X Division Title at Slammiversary. Sabin understands and they wish each other luck.

Brooke grabs Bully Ray backstage and angrily asks what that meant that he still loves her. Bully says it’s what it sounded like: he still loves her. He walks off and Brooke looks heartbroken.

Mickie James comes into Velvet Sky’s locker room while she’s taping her knee up and asks if she’s really ready, and offers to ask Brooke Hogan to postpone the match. Velvet says Mickie is such a good friend and loves her, but she doesn’t want to give Gail Kim the satisfaction of watching her sit out. Mickie says she loves her too and makes sure one more time that Velvet’s okay with this, but they hug and Mickie walks off. Mickie is SO turning heel tonight.

Sam Shaw comes out to the ring for his Bound For Glory qualifier tournament match against Alex Silva, andSilva’s music hits, but then it gets cut off and the Aces & Eights music starts as Wes Brisco comes out with Doc and Garett Bischoff. He says he took Alex Silva out and since he’s Mr. Gut Check, he’s going to face Sam Shaw for the spot in the BFG Series. Aces & Eights rushes the ring and they beat the crap out of Shaw, but Brutus Magnus runs out and chases Aces & Eights off. He says that he’s known Sam Shaw for years and Wes just made it personal, he threatens to smack the smile off of Garett’s face, and he says that since Aces & Eights attacked him two weeks ago, he’ll tell Wes that he wasn’t in the tournament because he doesn’t deserve it. Magnus says he does deserve to get his teeth kicked down his throat, and it’s Brisco’s lucky day because he gets to fight Magnus right now. Brisco gets in the ring and we have an impromptu match…

Brutus Magnus vs Wes Brisco

Magnus just overwhelms Brisco with a flurry of offense, and Brisco scoots out to the floor to powwow with his boys as we go to commercial.

We’re back and, unlike every other wrestling match that’s ever gone to commercial, the tide has changed and Wes is in control. He’s unloading on Magnus with hard right and left hands, but Magnus comes back with a series of clotheslines to regain control. Magnus catches Brisoc coming off the second rope and slams him, then goes up top for the elbowdrop. He took too long and Brisco climbs up to block Magnus, but Magnus fights them off and again sets up for the elbowdrop. Doc and Garett attack Magnus and we have a DQ.

Winner: Brutus Magnus by DQ

Aces & Eights beat Magnus down 3-on-1, but Samoa Joe comes sprinting out of the back to make the save for his former partner. Joe hasn’t been seen for about a month since getting attacked by Aces & Eights, which I think is about the 20th or so time he’s been put on the shelf for weeks on end after getting beat up.

We look back at last year when Sting became the first inductee to the TNA Hall of Fame, and we’ll find out who the next person who will join him is at Slammiversary!

Aces & Eights is in their clubhouse and Bubba congratulates Wes Brisco for taking care of Magnus, and Anderson asks when AJ Styles is getting here. Bubba says that unlike certain recent “disappointments” (he looks at D-Lo Brown while saying this), AJ Styles will come through for them.

We look at this past week when Kurt Angle was at Grand Central Station in New York City to witness an amateur wrestling dual meet between the USA and Russia. He talks about his disgust with the Olympic Committee deciding to drop wrestling, and how he feels about wrestling getting cut while other sports are dying but get to stay in.

AJ Styles arrives on his dirt bike and we go to the ring to join one of our featured matches in progress.

Kurt Angle vs Ken Anderson

They’re in the midst of a basic mat wrestling/feeling out process before it turns to fisticuffs. Anderson gets some early shots in, but Angle turns the tide and start unloading on Anderson before stomping him down in the corner. Anderson turns the tide and starts working on Angle’s arm, but Angle comes back with a few shots and suplexes. Anderson hits a Finlay Roll for 2, Angle blocks the Mic Check and hits the rolling German suplexes, then goes for the anklelock. Anderson kicks Angle off and hits the Mic Check out of nowhere, but Angle is out at 2. Anderson goes up top, Angle pops up and suplexes him off, pulls the straps down…then stops as he sees AJ Styles in the aisle. Taz gets up from the broadcast booth and hugs AJ, and AJ gives him a pat on the back in return. Angle is distracted and Anderson slips in with a low blow and rolls Angle up for the win.

Winner: Ken Anderson

Anderson walks over to AJ and seems to think they’re all buddy buddy, but AJ turns and walks off without saying a word to Anderson.

James Storm is backstage, and he’s…WALKING! We’ll find out who his tag team partner is next!

The Dumbass Cameraman asks Gail Kim about her match at Slammiversary, and Gail says she doesn’t care because she’s taken out everyone she’s ever gotten in the ring with and she should be getting the title shot. Taryn Terrell suddenly busts in and attacks Gail in a rage, and poor Pat Kenney has to grab her and drag her off while Gail yells that she’s crazy.

We see a video package looking back at James Storm’s tag team championship history as a part of America’s Most Wanted and Beer Money, then Storm comes out to the ring to say he’s been part of two of the greatest tag team in the history of this company, so he’s decided to do it again since women love a good tag team…wrestler. Austin Aries and Bobby Roode come out to the top of the ramp and Roode says if he wants to talk about glory days and tag team wrestling, Storm is looking at the king of tag team wrestling. The four years they spent teaming as Beer Money were the worst of his career and his life, Storm says it’s not his fault Roode can’t hang drinking with the cowboy, but the night he smashed a beer bottle over Storm’s head and won the World Title, he became the happiest man walking the planet. Roode asks Storm to enlighten us as to who his partner will be at Slammiversary, but Bad Influence come out to throw in their two cents. Daniels says they proved three weeks ago that the dirty heels can’t beat them, Chavo and Hernandez proved they’re the hunkiest team in all of Mexico, and they offered Storm a spot in Bad Influence and he turned them down, and that offended them. Kazarian tells “Jim” that it doesn’t matter who his partner is, because whoever it is won’t stand up to the standard set by the best team in the business. Storm tells everyone to shut up and listen so he can get to his point. Storm says he’s going to introduce his partner and…”Stone Cold” Shark Boy comes out and says he and Storm have a lot in common: they both like fishing, they both like cold beer, and they both like kissing bass, so if the fans think they should team up, give them a Shell Yeah. Robbie E comes out to the ring next and says that he carried Rob Terry for two years, so now he can carry Storm as well. He’s got team names for them like Beer Bro, America’s Most Bro, Gym Tan Beer Bro, and Two Bros and a Baby. While Robbie E and Shark Boy argue, Gunner comes in through the crowd, goes face to face with Storm, then destroys both Shark Boy and Robbie E. He goes back over to Storm and Storm tells Gunner that he’ll see him at Slammiversary. Storm and Gunner shake hands as the other three teams look on in consternation.

Still to come is AJ Styles’ decision. Velvet Sky and Mickie James are backstage, and they’re…WALKING!

Joseph Park is backstage telling Sting that he’s getting his first ever title shot when he faces Devon at Slammiversary, and Park and Sting discuss what “getting the strap” means before Sting tells Park that he’d like him to get his brother Abyss to team with him next week against Bully Ray and Devon. Park’s not sure if he can do that since Abyss won’t talk to him, and Sting says Park’s going to kayfabe him until the end, but then says if he can’t get Abyss, he’ll take someone close to him and asks Park to be his partner. We’ll find out which Park brother shows up next week when Impact Wrestling moves back to the 9 PM timeslot.

Knockouts Title Match: Velvet Sky vs Mickie James

They do some basic feeling out to start off as they trade armbars and takedowns, but that quickly turns to a vicious forearm exchange that Mickie wins before hitting a spinning Uncle Slam, then holds onto the full nelson as she grinds Velvet into the mat as we go to commercial.

We’re back and Mickie is still in control (completely flying in the face of the crack I made earlier) as the announcers point out that Mickie James hasn’t held the title in nearly two years. Velvet comes back with some clotheslines, but Mickie goes after the knee. Velvet hits a Russian legsweep for 2, but Mickie starts working over Velvet’s ribs with kicks and shoulderblocks. Taz pops me with a joke about Velvet’s Berzerker boots as she hits a flying headscissors, but seems to have hurt her knee on the way down and Mickie swoops right in and clips her knee out. Mickie gets her Crazy Mickie look on her face as she hits a DDT on Velvet and pins her to finally regain the Knockouts Title.

Winner: Mickie James

Mickie briefly looks down at Velvet clutching her knee in pain before heading up the ramp with her championship in hand.

We see a video package looking at the recent history of AJ Styles and the debate over whose side he’s on in the TNA-Aces & Eights war, then we go back to the Aces & Eights clubhouser as Bubba abuses D-Lo Brown. Bubba proposes toast to Anderson for beating Kurt Angle, then another one for the guy they’re about to patch in…AJ Styles.

Aces & Eights comes out to the ring and Bully Ray gets a mic. He says that no one guy is more important than anyone else in their team, and D-Lo Brown screwed up, but Ken Anderson stepped up, took the world by the yambags, and crushed them. He’s proud to have Ken Anderson wearing the Aces & Eights colors, but it’s not about any of them, it’s about the guy they’re ready to initiate into their brotherhood. Bubba tells AJ Styles to get in the ring right now, so AJ comes out and Bubba says that TNA wanted him, even Fortune wanted to reform, but AJ knows the right way to go. He’s going to do something AJ never expected: it’s no secret that AJ Styles doesn’t drink and never has, but he wants AJ to raise a beer, raise a toast to him, and drink with him. AJ can give his heart to Jesus, but his soul belongs to the club. AJ toasts Bubba, then downs the beer. Bubba is thrilled and tells Anderson to give their brother his colors, AJ takes the Aces & Eights vest and looks at it with a smile on his face, then has Anderson hold it as Bubba proclaims him the newest member of Aces & Eights. Kurt Angle comes out to the top of the ramp and says he knew this would happen, but he had to see it with his own eyes. Angle says AJ’s legacy in TNA just went down the crapper, and that this disgusts him. AJ can join Aces & Eights if he wants to, he’s going to see him at Slammiversary anyway, but he asks AJ if this is really what he wants. Bubba interrupts Angle and tells AJ to put his cut on, and AJ obliges and puts the vest on before giving Bubba and the other members a big hug. Bubba raises AJ’s hand as Doc, who apparently jumped Angle from behind, rolls him inside so he and Mike Knox can hold Angle so AJ can hit him with a hammer he’s handed by Bully Ray. AJ doesn’t hesitate for a second before cracking Angle in the knee, but then he starts laying out other members of Aces & Eights before hightailing it up the aisle as we call it a night.