HELL IN A CELL
KEVIN OWENS vs. SHANE MCMAHON
Shane went right after his opponent before the bell rang and immediately spilled through the door to the outside. He teed off with wild rights and lefts and Owens responded in kind, brawling up and down the entrance ramp. KO threw him hard into the cage and tossed him shoulder-first into the barricade, but Shane came back and ran on top of the barricade to take him down.
Owens escaped into the cage to get away and started talking trash, but McMahon kicked the door into his face. The referee locked them inside the cell, which I thought was against the entire point of the Falls Count Anywhere stipulation but OH WELL! Big Kev threw his opponent into the steel steps and into the wall over and over again, screaming at Shane’s kids and family as they watch from ringside. A camera man got taken out as McMahon went flying over the stairs into the cell.
The assault continued for several minutes in and out of the ring, as Owens screamed “this is my god damn show” and continued to mock the children sitting at ringside. At one point he yelled at them “I should be your role model”. He went up to the top rope looking for a frog splash, but Shane got his knees up in time and found his first window of opportunity. McMahon may have killed his own knees trying to block the move, as he’s limping around throwing wild rights and lefts.
Shane flew off the ropes with a diving kick, then fired off with ridiculous quick jabs while dancing around. Because you know, now seems like the best time to do silly dancing. He climbed the ropes and…. DID A F***ING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!?! Owens dodged the move and tried for the pop-up powerbomb but Shane caught him out of the air into the armbar! He transitions the armbar into a modified gogoplata submission, but KO slid out of the ring to force a break, only to get caught in a triangle choke! Owens broke the hold by lifting him into the air and connecting with a powerbomb onto the steel stairs.
The crowd chanted “we want tables” and KO obliged, taking out a table and perching it against the cell wall. He climbed to the apron and set up for a cannonball, but Shane moved out of the way and the big man went crashing the wood, into the steel! McMahon beat the hell out of him with a broken piece of the table as the crowd went crazy for the spot. A trash can makes its appearance from under the ring, and you know what time it is… Shane climbs the ropes and goes coast to coast, nailing his opponent and destroying the trash! 1…2…Owens gets his foot on the bottom rope.
McMahon has had enough of this, and demands that the door be opened again. When the ref refuses he goes under the ring and gets a pair of bolt cutters, and does it himself. He goes back to the trash can, blasting KO with it over and over again as he screams out in pain, clutching his now-injured arm. Owens “escapes” out of the cell, baiting his opponent to the ramp and dropping him with a wicked DDT into the floor. Adding insult to injury, he slams Shane’s groin-first into the door of the cage as several male fans ringside wince in sympathy pains.
Owens is just picking his spots now, stalking his opponent around the ringside area, grinding his face into the cage and beating the hell out of him right in front of the McMahon children. KO dismantles one of the announce tables (which are different as they have LCD screens and no little monitors now, so it’s just one large flat surface). Shane gets placed on the table and Owens mounts the barricade, then stares up at the cell and realizes what he has to do…
The climb begins. Shane is down on the table as Owens reaches the top of the structure, five feet taller than the cage that Mick Foley was thrown off nearly two decades ago. KO wants to fly but stops short and has to psych himself into it. He paces around but can’t bring himself to jump. Shane recovers and begins the climb himself.
The two trade blows on the edge as McMahon is hanging on to the side of the cage with one hand, almost falling several times! Back and forth they go swinging with wild, brutal lefts and right. Shane connects with a DDT that sends him crashing hard into the cell. He gets him up and this time hits a bodyslam into the cell, as the announcers are praying to god that the steel can hold Owens’ weight without breaking. Shane hits a vertical suplex for a third time into the same spot…still the cage holds.
Owens fights back and hits a running senton splash. They’re really playing up the cell breaking. KO motions for the powerbomb, but McMahon fights out of it and sends his opponent flying into the rails with a big back body drop. They’re back to trading rights and lefts, but Shane runs right into a pop-up powerbomb! Kevin is sick of this entire match, and looks down at the empty announce table realizing what he has to do to end things. They tease him getting thrown but McMahon puts on the breaks and saves himself.
Owens thinks better and tries to climb down the cage, but Shane grabs ahold of him! They fight on the side of the cage trading rights and lefts, threatening to slip. KO takes a dozen shots to the kidneys and falls off the side, crashing through the announce table below! Shane crawls over his opponent, but thinks twice and refuses to make the cover. This isn’t over. He wants to kill him. Shane clears a second table and throws Owens’ lifeless body on top of it, brutalizing him with headbutts until he’s completely motionless.
For the second time, Shane O’Mac begins to climb… He crosses his heart and looks over the edge, then takes a deep breath and jumps… SAMI ZAYN PULLED OWENS OFF THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! SHANE CRASHES THROUGH INTO THE EARTH BELOW! HOLY S–T! Sami Zayn pulled Owens’ lifeless body on top of Shane McMahon! 1…2…3!
Winner: Kevin Owens
Medics come out and tend to Shane McMahon, putting a brace around his neck and loading him onto a stretcher. Sami Zayn has an evil look on his face as he stares down Shane’s children. Owens shares a look with him and Sami takes his leave, as Owens celebrates his victory and McMahon is carted out on a stretcher to end WWE Hell in a Cell.